Hello, my name is Mark, and I am married to Perfection. I’ve been married to Perfection for over 30 years, but I’ve come to realize that I have a problem. Perfection has not been the spouse that I thought she would be.

High achievers have high standards and high expectations of themselves and others. Often those standards are so high that they resemble perfection. We perfectionists, think Perfection is actually attainable, yet we vaguely define what perfection is, and what’s more is that the criteria for Perfection changes from moment to moment and person to person. Do we ever really attain Perfection? Even when something is perfect, we can always think of something to improve upon it. If I were to give Perfection a personal definition, I would say it is a state where all of our expectations are met exactly the way we expect them and even beyond, except when does that ever truly happen? I think that we perfectionists need to let go of the concept that Perfection is actually possible, and accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world among imperfect people, and that Perfection is a concept that actually deceives and eludes us. I have come to find that perfection has many drawbacks. I have, quite literally, been crippled for years by my own sense of Perfection, so much so that it has kept me from living the fullest expression of my own life. I realized that Perfection is actually my enemy. Here are five reasons why I decided to let go of Perfection and run straight into the arms of Imperfection:

1. Perfection is the enemy of starting…and finishing. Perfection tells you that if you can’t get it perfect then you shouldn’t do it at all – because it must be perfect. Perfection is also the enemy of completion. Perfection says that if you are in the middle of a project that the end product must be perfect. So as you constantly aim for perfection, you are never truly done, because Perfection is never satisfied.

2. Perfection is the enemy of Decision. Perfection causes us to be in a state of “Analysis Paralysis”. Perfection causes us to fear every decision that we make, because Perfection wants us to make the perfect decision, and there is no truly perfect decision. Every decision we make is filled with risk and closes off other options. Perfection wants us to keep a back door just in case the decision we make is bad, so it’s difficult to fully commit to a decision, and when you are lukewarm about a decision, you don’t reap the rewards (including the mistakes and lessons) of a full commitment.

3. Perfection places high demands and expectations on our relationships. High achieving parents have high expectations of their children, and often expect some form of perfection from them. If those high expectations are not tempered with incredible amounts of love, grace, and understanding, over time this can create children that are resentful of their parents, because of unachievable standards. Children become critical of their parents because they are simple modeling them. High achieving bosses can experience a similar fate with their employees. Hard-driving, high-expectations bosses can only accomplish so much for so long. Unless the boss can find and tap into the internal motivation of people, and temper high-quality and high-achievement with balance, rest, and team-building then the boss will burn out and lose those people to better bosses and “better opportunities”.

4. Perfection is relative. Your idea of Perfection is different from mine. Logically, by its very nature, Perfection is unachievable because the standard and criteria is different from person to person. What you think is “perfect”, I may think is “good” but needs considerably more work to become perfect.

5. Imperfection is far more forgiving than Perfection. Imperfection allows you to get started, to finish, to make decisions, to make mistakes, learn your lessons, and move on. Imperfection allows you to have more fun, enjoy the process, and have more grace with people whether they are in your family or in your business. Perfection is like an emotionally abusive spouse that, at first, is so attractive and promises so much, but later places impossible, ever-shifting, never-to-be-satisfied standards on you. Meanwhile, Imperfection adores you the way you are.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying we should not have high standards or any standards at all, that’s what makes us who we are, and there is a place for quality, high expectations and standards. What I’m saying is that Perfection has down sides that we need to have “eyes wide open” about, and acknowledge those downsides so that we are not chronically disappointed.

So start that project without a perfect project plan, develop that product without knowing every detail, finish and submit that document, and know that you’ll always find things to change in it, make that decision and go for it, if it doesn’t work out, you learned something in the process. And hey (this one’s for me) let your kids be kids, let them have their messes and their mistakes, correct them, but also share your mistakes with them, and show them how a real human being gets up and goes forward.

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