There is a saying in business, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”. I don’t agree with this statement. It almost implies that connections are more important than the content of your character or your knowledge or expertise. However, while there may some truth in it, I would modify the statement to say “it’s all about (1) what you know, (2) who you know, and (3) the trust they have in you.”

You have probably seen a host of articles, blog posts, books, and other business literature that extol the virtues and importance of developing your professional network. In fact, there are entire social networks (e.g. LinkedIn) that exist for you to develop and expand your network. There are innumerable professional organizations that allow you to get involved and provide networking opportunities so you can grow your network in that way. And when in doubt, you can expand your network right in your place of business, your place of worship, or even in your own neighborhood. In short, there are neither the excuses nor a shortage of ways to make new connections.

Almost every major opportunity and success I’ve had over the last 25 years came about because of the first two ingredients – “what I know” and “who I know”. However, the third ingredient – trust- was always the unspoken key. It’s that feeling of trust that motivated someone to think of me, reach out to me, and include me in their opportunity. To develop that trust, a person has to see you in action within some kind of professional, business, or volunteering context. They need to see what you are capable of, what value you bring, and if they would trust you enough to vouch for you.

A one-time “meet and greet” is no better than an interview, because in order for someone to truly think of you first when it comes to a job, a sale, or a business opportunity, they need to see you in action. They need to see how you think, what you know, how you work, the quality of your products/services, how easy you are to work with, and what kind of value you can bring to them or someone else.

It takes time to build trusted relationships, so be patient. A person in a high power position worked hard to get there, and they will not simply put themselves out there for you unless they are certain that you will provide value and make them look spectacular in the process.

You should take full advantage of every opportunity to expand your network. However, you can go to networking events and exchange business cards all day long, but that connection will be meaningless in terms of future opportunity for you unless three things become present in that relationship:

1. Realness – The relationship needs to be built on a foundation of genuine friendship, not an agenda. Smart people can sniff out ulterior motives very quickly. Ultimately, if this is a business relationship they will know that there may be some underlying motive, but genuine friendship needs to be what you build the relationship upon otherwise it will not last.
2. Value – There must be a sense of mutual value exchanged in the relationship, whether it’s an ongoing exchange of information, an exchange of money for products/ services, or even an advice-seeking mentor-mentee relationship. It cannot be one-sided where one person is offering all the value and the other person is not. It must be equitable in the exchange of friendship and value.
3. Trust – Where there is no trust, there is no successful relationship. Every relationship that works is built on a foundation of trust. What is trust? Simply put, it’s the implicit feeling that the other person will not let you down.

Ultimately, it comes down to trust. This is the unspoken and missing ingredient that people don’t talk about in the context of networking. Do they trust you enough to give you the sale, to give you their business, to refer you to a colleague, or to think of you for the position they need to fill? Building trust is the key to any relationship. But it takes time, integrity, deliberate action, follow up, contact, and a whole lot of promise-keeping.

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