My wife has a mantra that she has instituted in our home, “the people we love the most are the people we are the kindest to.” I love this statement because it always reminds me where I need to prioritize my time, and even more importantly, my energy.

The Problem

We typically give the best of our time, our energy, and our talent to our customers, partners, friends, colleagues, and just about anyone who isn’t our family. Yet, when we get home after 9 or 10 hours leaving it all on the field, or rather at the office, what do we give to our loved ones and those closest to us? We give them our “leftovers”, our realness, our annoyance, our exhaustion, and our anger – certainly not our best – or at minimum, we are tempted to treat them this way. And believe you me, I GET IT, after 9 or 10 hours going “all ahead full” at work or in the business, sometimes you’re just done. However, this brings up a couple of honest questions:

1. What message are we really sending to our loved ones?

If you work outside (or even inside) the home, there is already a tension between business and personal life. Your family doesn’t see you enough, and they feel it. The problem is worsened when our attitude coming through the door, (walking out of our home office), is one of tiredness, emotional and physical sensitivity,  and annoyance. Your family wants and needs the best of our time and energy, but we just spent 9 or 10 hours giving all of that to someone else in the pursuit of what? Making money?! When we are not able to switch on in a positive way for the sake of our loved ones when we come home from work, what it communicates to them is that they matter less than someone else – someone else who is not their family; Someone else who is not their husband or wife or their father or their mother. The message that is is that they (the very family you helped build) are secondary to you.

2. What example are we setting for them?

The example and tone that we set, sets it for the rest of our family. The model we are giving them is that we give our best to our jobs, businesses, colleagues, customers, partners, managers, and our employees; and we give everyone at home the “leftovers” – what’s left of our time and energy.

That’s exactly what we do when at the end of the day we’ve treated everyone else better than our family. None of us ever intends to treat those closest to us like second-class citizens, but it’s very easy for our family to see where our priorities are by the way we treat other people relative to them. If we treat everyone else with a smile, politeness, and human dignity, shouldn’t we do at least the same for those we helped give birth to? And those we share a bed with?

When we are at home, we need to be consciously aware that we don’t treat our loved ones with anger, annoyance, and frustration. When we do that it sends a clear message and a clearer example that that is the way we treat family. Guess how our children will treat their spouses and their children when they get home from work? Exactly the way we treat them. We are their model. After all who else do they have to look to but us?

The truth is we need to treat everyone well – the way we want to be treated. And that applies especially to our family and loved ones. At the end of the day, our jobs and businesses will change and evolve, our income will come from different sources as we progress in life, but we only get one family and we need to ‘treat them like our number one customer’.

A Solution

Oftentimes, all we need to help us is a transition period between work and home. Personally, I often work at such an intense level, that I know I need it. So, I do some of the following to help in that transition, and I offer it to you as a solution to consider as well:

• Reflect on the things I am grateful for from the day
• Listen to an audiobook
• Let my mind wander
• Sing a little to myself
• Say some simple prayers
• Close my eyes and meditate for a few minutes

That said, before I’m ready to engage my family, the final thing I do is I have my own little mantra that I usually say to myself (you can modify this to suit your own needs if you choose to use it):

“I am about to walk through this door. This is the best part of my day. I don’t know what I may be walking into, the house might be a disaster and everyone may be in a terrible mood, but I am here now, and despite all of that, I’m going to bless my family with my time, love and attention. I may not do this perfectly, but I’m going to do my best. If nothing else, my family will know that I am glad to see them. Here we go…”

Question: How do you make the transition from the work or business part of day to the home part of your day?  What ideas do you have for making that transition smooth? You can leave a comment by clicking here.