In a previous blog post How To Overcome Fear (Part 1) I discussed fear as our personal alarm system and attempted to categorize it into a few basic types. If you haven’t read that post, I would highly recommend reading it before moving further.

…Continued from the previous post

So now that we understand fear a little more, how do we handle it so that it doesn’t paralyze us?

Appreciate Fear – First, we need to appreciate what our fear is trying to do for us. Our fear emotion/instinct is designed to keep us safe and out of danger.

Put fear in perspective – Second, we need to ask ourselves what our fear is trying to tell us, and if it’s something we really need to listen to. If we need to listen to it, then we may want to heed its warning. If the risk isn’t as great, then we should be able to move beyond it.

Get to the heart of it – we do this by asking, “what do I really fear?”, “Do I fear perceived discomfort with a task?”, “Do I fear change?”, “Do I fear losing?”, or perhaps “Do I fear wild success and the potential change that can come with that?” And also “Why do I fear..,?” and you keep asking “why” until you get to the heart of what you truly fear.

Ask different questions – Think critically, instead of thinking what is the worst case scenario, think about the best case scenario. Ask yourself, “what is the worst case scenario that I fear so much?”, “given the type of person I am, will I allow that worst case scenario to actually take place?” Or perhaps you could ask yourself a more productive question like, “what can I do now to not only prevent the worst case scenario but to create the best case scenario? Or bring some good luck to this situation?

Focus on the gain (the good) as opposed to the pain (the bad). List all of the good that will come from you pushing past this fear – as long as there is good to be had. If there is more risk than reward than you may want to listen to your fear and seriously rethink the decision or action you are about to take. Take it from someone who has taken great risk and lost many times…please.

Remember past performance in similar situations, and what those outcomes actually were – Have you been in a situation remotely like this one before? If so, how did it turn out? If you had the knowledge, skill, and abilities to meet that challenge, aren’t you even better equipped now that you’ve had more time, experience, and lessons learned?

Positive self-talk – The stories we tell ourselves are powerful and ultimately define who we become. The same is true for the fears in our lives. For a great story about this very topic, see my blog post, Why The Stories We Tell Ourselves Matter So Much.

Just jump in and figure it out as you go – While this sounds flippant and almost dismissive of real and valid feelings, it really is a strategy. Perhaps not for everything in our lives, but jumping into your fear actually works. Let me illustrate. Have you ever been nervous before jumping into a cold pool? There comes that moment when you commit to going for it, and all of a sudden you find yourself in mid-air wondering “what have I done?” and then SPLASH – and sometimes comedy ensues. Do you ever regret that decision? Sure the water may be cold sometimes, but once you get over that initial shock, and swim around a bit, don’t you find it’s actually not that bad? So often what we fear is the outcome of cold water or the process of acclimating to it. However, what we fail to realize is that we can enjoy the outcome of the change immediately (having a refreshing swim) – essentially shortcutting our way through that feared outcome and process-oriented fear (acclimating to the cold water) by simply jumping into the deep end, embracing the change, getting over the shock, and swimming around until we are used to it. We can have all the benefit of the outcome and postpone or even eliminate the fear and pain associated with it. All we need to do is commit and jump.

Fill in data gaps – So much of our fear comes from what we don’t know. In fact, Warren Buffet says that “all risk is based on we don’t know.” So, if what we don’t know is proportional to our risk (i.e. The less we know the greater the danger), then we actually have good reason to feel fear. That is why we need to fill in the data gaps and answer the unknowns that are the source of our fear. Filling in the answers to what you don’t know about a given situation should help lower your level of fear. In other words the more you know, the greater your confidence, the lower your fear. So ask those questions and fill in the data gaps you have, and you should see your fear dwindle down as you gather more data, context, and perspective.

Take action/prepare: Anthony Robbins once noted that fear is not feeling prepared for something. I can see the truth in this. If you think about it, it seems that the root of all fear is a gap of some kind- a gap in knowledge, adequacy, or preparation. If there is a gap or something that you don’t feel prepared for, then take action to get prepared or get proactive to address that thing that you feel fear about. It’s just like in public speaking, the more you run through your presentation, the more prepared you will feel, the more confident you will feel, the less afraid you will feel.

FIN

Question: How do you overcome fear? What strategies have you used before? You can leave a comment by clicking here.