The Bottom Line Up Front

In this episode of the LIFE WORKS podcast, Dr. Lisa Koche discusses her integrative approach to health, emphasizing the importance of addressing underlying causes rather than just symptoms. She shares insights from her experience during the pandemic, highlighting the value of personal health responsibility, preventive measures, and critical thinking. Dr. Koche stresses the significance of community, self-care, and the power of natural remedies. The interview provides a holistic perspective on maintaining well-being and navigating health challenges in a post-pandemic world.

Time Stamps

[00:00:00] – Introduction

[00:01:00] – Historical Context

[00:02:00] – Global Uncertainty

[00:04:00] – Narrative Shifts

[00:05:00] – Inconsistencies in Messaging

[00:07:00] – Preventive Measures

[00:09:00] – Immune System Strength

[00:11:00] – Vaccine Observations

[00:13:00] – Cumulative Effects of Injections

[00:15:00] – Lessons Learned

[00:17:00] – Government Advice

[00:18:00] – Data and Research

[00:20:00] – Personal Research Approach

[00:21:00] – Self-Care Recommendations

[00:24:00] – Key Takeaways

About Dr. Lisa Koche

Dr. Lisa Koche is the Executive Director and a key figure at Spectra Wellness. She is a board-certified physician specializing in internal medicine and bariatrics. Dr. Koche is known for her integrative approach to medicine, blending traditional medical practices with functional and holistic treatments to provide comprehensive care for her patients.

Background and Qualifications

• Education: Dr. Koche received her medical degree from Emory University School of Medicine.
• Training: She completed her residency in internal medicine at Emory University and has additional training in functional medicine.
• Certifications: Dr. Koche is board-certified in internal medicine and bariatric medicine.

Dr. Koche’s professional focus includes:

• Functional and Integrative Medicine: She emphasizes a holistic approach to healthcare, focusing on the whole person rather than just symptoms.
• Preventive Care: Advocating for preventive measures and lifestyle modifications to maintain health and prevent disease.
• Patient Education: Empowering patients with knowledge and tools to take control of their health.
• Innovation: Staying at the forefront of medical advancements and incorporating new techniques and treatments into her practice.

Dr. Koche is an accomplished author and speaker, frequently sharing her insights on integrative medicine and wellness. She has been featured in various health and wellness publications and often speaks at conferences and seminars.

About Spectra Wellness

Overall, Spectra Wellness under Dr. Lisa Koche’s leadership is dedicated to offering patient-centered, integrative healthcare that combines the best of conventional and alternative medicine to support overall health and well-being.

Spectra Wellness is a health and wellness center located in Tampa, Florida, that focuses on a comprehensive and integrative approach to healthcare. The center provides a variety of services aimed at optimizing the health and well-being of its patients. These services include traditional medical treatments, functional medicine, nutritional counseling, and wellness programs that emphasize preventive care and holistic approaches.
Services Offered at Spectra Wellness

• Functional Medicine: A personalized approach to healthcare that focuses on identifying and addressing the root causes of disease.
• Nutritional Counseling: Guidance on proper nutrition and diet plans tailored to individual needs.
• IV Therapy: Intravenous therapies to support hydration, nutrient absorption, and detoxification.
• Bioidentical Hormone Therapy: Hormone replacement treatments using hormones that are chemically identical to those the human body produces.
• Weight Management Programs: Comprehensive plans for achieving and maintaining a healthy weight.
• Anti-Aging Treatments: Therapies aimed at promoting longevity and addressing the signs of aging.
• Mental Health Services: Support for mental and emotional well-being, including stress management techniques.
• Advanced Diagnostic Testing: Utilization of cutting-edge tests to better understand patient health and guide treatment plans.

In this episode, I want to talk about why we need to give our best to those we love, specifically, I want to talk about how to make the transition from work to home in a really elegant way.

In this episode:

[00:00:19] Giving our best to those we love
[00:00:36] My Wife’s Mantra
[00:01:02] The Problem is…
[00:03:02] The Message we are Sending, The Example we are Setting
[00:05:04] The Solution
[00:05:44] My Mantra
[00:06:39] What do you think?
[00:06:50] Please subscribe, rate, like, or comment…better yet tell a friend!
[00:07:06] Our Sponsor

The 3 Dirty Little Secrets of Failure was talk given by Mark Botros at  the Light the Fire Conference 2022, Sponsored by Proceed2Lead. For those  who actually read details, the dirty little secrets are:  

Dirty Little Secret #1: Failure is a frame not the whole movie 

Dirty Little Secret #2: The road to Success is paved with Failure …  among other things 

Dirty Little Secret #3: You may not embrace Failure, but the greats do   

To connect with Mark Botros: https://linktr.ee/markbotros

Kip Knight is in the top tier of marketing leaders in the world today. Kip’s amazing career spans decades in senior marketing and executive roles for Procter & Gamble, PepsiCo, KFC, Taco Bell, eBay, and H&R Block. He’s even been a consultant to the Whitehouse. Today, he’s an operating partner with Thomvest, a Venture Capital firm in Silicon Valley. He is also the CEO and Founder of CMO Coaches, where he works with aspiring marketing leaders around the world.

Kip just released his latest book “Learn to Leap”- How Leaders Turn Risk into Opportunity. In this book, he talks about the many lessons he’s learned over the course of his illustrious career. Come and learn from one today’s leading marketing minds.

IN THIS FANTASTIC INTERVIEW:

[00:00:00] Welcome to the LIFE WORKS Podcast
[00:00:45] A Kidnapping
[00:04:09] Why Kip Wrote “Learn to Leap”
[00:06:20] Kip’s Best Lesson
[00:08:55] A Really Painful Lesson
[00:11:35] What saved Mark during his own tough time
[00:14:01] Kip Made ebay ebay
[00:15:14] Are there more good bosses or bad bosses out there?
[00:16:32] The Truly Great Managers
[00:17:17] The Questions Every Good Manager Asks Their People
[00:21:11] Humanizing the Manager-Employee Relationship
[00:22:18] How to Turn Risk Into Opportunity
[00:24:19] Kip’s Main Cause in Life
[00:25:28] What Kip is Most Concerned About For the World
[00:27:30] Kip’s Parting Advice to the World
[00:29:56] Your Moment of Zen
[00:32:30] Closing Calls to Action

BIO
Kip Knight is currently the Operating Partner at Thomvest Ventures (a $300M evergreen fund based in San Francisco). In addition, he’s the founder and CEO of CMO Coaches, which works with aspiring marketing leaders (www.cmocoaches.com). He is an independent board member with 5.11 Tactical and Netbase.com.

Kip started his career in marketing research at Burke Marketing Research in Cincinnati, Ohio. Over the past 40 years, he has worked in over 60 countries around the world. He spent 10 years in brand management at P&G. He worked for 10 years in PepsiCo’s international restaurant division in a variety of marketing and general management roles, including GM of North Latin America, as well as head of marketing for KFC International. Kip also served as Chief Marketing Officer for Taco Bell.

Kip worked at eBay, where he was vice-president of marketing for North America. He was also responsible for managing eBay Canada. He was the first head of international marketing as well as serving as Regional Vice President for eBay International for Latin America, Australia and Taiwan.
Kip served as president of H&R Block the world’s largest tax preparation company. He was also head of their international and ex-pat businesses.
He has been a featured speaker at numerous conferences, such as Business Week’s Global Brand Conference, the Association of National Advertisers Annual Conference, the Silicon Valley Technology Conference, the Global Innovation Summit in Dubai, The Economist Digital Forum, The American Marketing Association and HP’s Global Marketing Congress.

Kip is the founder of the USMCC (US Marketing Communication College) which has trained hundreds of diplomats at the US State Department on how to create effective communication strategies and programs. He’s the co-author of Crafting Persuasion: A Leader’s Handbook to Influence Minds and Change Behavior.

He earned his B.S. degree from LSU in marketing and his MBA from the University of Cincinnati. He is married and has two sons.

To connect with Kip Knight:

Websites: https://www.thomvest.com and https://www.cmocoaches.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kipknight/
Email: kipknight@gmail.com

To connect with Mark Botros:

https://markabotros.com
https://marble.app/markbotros

YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/user/markbotros
Instagram: @markabotros
Twitter: @markbotros
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/businessstrategist/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mbotros/
Email: mark@markabotros.com
iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-life-works-podcast/id1475582936

R&B Star, Marcell Russell shares his incredibly pragmatic insights on Life, Business, Wealth, and Time.

Marcell Russell is a man of many many talents. A minister turned professional musician, Marcell experienced a meteoric rise in the music industry. Having written over 800 songs, he became the most awarded independent R&B artist in the city of Baltimore, Maryland –Getting critical acclaim from BET, The People’s Choice Awards, and ECHOES magazine, just to name a few. In fact, the music industry nicknamed him “The Voice” – and he was The Voice BEFORE it was a hit reality TV show. Today, he’s the CEO of a 50 person financial services firm. As a minister, musician, and entrepreneur, Marcell’s insights on life, wealth, and business are unique and worth listening to.

2020 sparked global conversations (and even protests) about race, police, and implicit bias. But it also shined a light on diversity, equity, and inclusion. And at the center of those conversations were black and minority communities.

As someone so embedded within the black community as a minister, musician, and today as CEO of a 50 person financial services firm, Marcell has an incredibly unique perspective that I think we all need to hear. You may think you’re “woke”, and you may think you already understand black culture — think again, because it is so much more.

TIME CUTS

00:10 Mark’s Opening question and Monologue
01:11 Is it a good time to be Black in America today?
02:53 The Flea and the Jar – The limits we place on ourselves
03:45 Two incidents
05:04 White Supremacy is Narcissism
05:55 Superiority over Melanin…Really
06:40 The Black Community is the 10th Wealthiest Nation in the World
07:15 Ignorance and Fear is passed down
08:53 You don’t have 24 hours in a
09:13 Why fathers matter
10:48 Wealth is lost within 2 generations
11:28 Take care of your own house first
12:54 Sentiment in the Black Community
16:10 2020 in the Black Community
16:29 I got pulled over 5-8 times per year
17:55 It’s not because you’re black
18:48 The real colors you need to worry about are not black and white
19:12 The positive things never get mentioned
20:04 White people are saying I’m sorry, and are asking, “what do you want me to do?”
21:11 What Marcell really thinks of Black Lives Matter (BLM)
21:44 Where is BLM’s money going?
23:27 I’m proud about what blacks are doing
24:17 Misconceptions about the black community
26:52 They clump groups together
27:50 Blaxploitation and efforts to undermine the Black Community
30:33 Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Initiatives – a good idea?
33:14 The Victim Agenda
33:55 The New Slavery
34:20 A United Black Community – what would that look like?
35:43 Trends in the Black Community
37:04 Real Wealth
37:33 Takeaways from 2020
38:15 To be continued…

Connect with Marcell:

Instagram: @marcellthevoice

Connect with Mark Botros:

https://marble.app/markbotros

Music Credit:

• Theme: “Fond Memories” – SYBS
• Preview: “Lifelong” – Anno Domini Beats

Photo and Media Credit(s):

• Marcell Russell
• Oak Hill Music
• Teddy Douglas
• Alexandra Koch
• Bamner
• CityXcape
• Mikhail Nilov
• Ketut Subiyanto
• KIndel Media
• KoolShooters
• Los Muertos Crew
• Marco Allasio
• Michael Kuelbel
• Monstera
• RODNAE Productions
• Freepik
• Joseph Redfield
• Artem Podrez
• Joseph Eulo
• Engin Akyurt
• Baris Seref
• Cottonbro
• Diva Plavalaguna
• Tony Schnagl
• Kampus Production
• Anastasia Shuraeva
• August de Richelieu
• Purplehorse
• Vecteezy
• Pexels
• Terje Sollie
• Tima Miroshnichenko
• Flea Video Credit: Jaiden Nardella, Luke Corallo, and Les Horovitz

FULL VIDEO INTERVIEW LINK

Sheri Smith and I have known each other since college, and we actually worked together for several years while we were coming up professionally. She’s always impressed me as one of the smartest people I know. She’s done graduate work at Georgetown, she worked for Hillary Clinton for a time, and now she’s the founder and CEO of The Indigo Project, an education company that does extensive assessment and consulting work in the education space both at the high school level and college level. I wanted to have Sheri on the podcast for two reasons one because she’s a longtime friend and I’ve been wanting to catch up with her for years, and two because she has unique insight into the education system at large, and I think we all can agree that the education system needs to change, and I also think the pandemic showed the cracks and faults in the education system much more clearly. Sheri and her company have a unique approach to working within the education system to help change it from the inside out. Her method is unique, her perspective is hopeful, and her approach may be just what we need to change the education system from within. As kids and their parents are figuring out the new normal of education once again, this interview could not come at a better time. Interestingly oldest daughter took one of the indigo assessments for herself and found it to be mostly accurate and on point.

Now for those of you who are business leaders or you’ve already grown your children, you might be tempted to click away thinking this may not have anything to do with you. Quite the contrary actually. Assessments like the ones we’re about to discuss have relevance to everyone not just students. If you’re looking to unlock high performance from your team, this may be a compelling tool to consider regardless if you’re running a small start up or a Fortune 500 company. Self awareness is everything — it’s the key to humility, interpersonal relationships, effective leadership, growth and learning, and– top performance. For those in business, this interview will give you insight into the future of work – both the workforce and the kind of functions that is coming up now and in the next several years and decades.

After watching or listening to this episode you, if are interested in assessment services either for your high school or college student — or for yourself, or your company or business please reach out to me. I hope you enjoy the episode.

Would you like to know how the SUPER WEALTHY invest their money?

Don’t miss this important episode. Build wealth faster, retire more securely, and learn what others don’t know about investing

Tom Phelan (“Fay-len”) Is the controversial author of numerous best-selling books:

• “The Reluctant Realtor Who Won’t Buy Investment Property©2021”
• “A Teacher’s 403(b) – Why Is Real Estate Missing©2021”
• “The Big IRA Gamble” and “401(k) Roulette ©2020”

Tom says estimates show 45 million people have invested $11 trillion dollars in IRAs and another 30 million 401(k)s Owners are gambling $8 trillion dollars in Wall Street. Wow, Wall Street “Fees” are almost incalculable on $18 trillion dollars with hundreds of billions being added annually.

From years of experience Tom believed far too many IRA and 401(k) Owners are apathetic about their Wall Street investments, a fact Wall Street counts on … a lack-of-personal involvement.

But there is hope Tom says, if people will listen and choose Wall Street alternatives to avoid the needless Risk of IRA and 401(k) funds. Armed with this new-found knowledge Tom will show people how to strategize how to retire years younger and with more retirement income dollars, possibly Tax Free Income dollars.

Oh and if you’ve ever had a dream of owning a vineyard in Argentina, Tom has a few 5-acre Boutique Malbec vineyards your IRA or Individual 401(k) can buy…no…he really does.

He says he has the solution for investing, living, and retirement, but only those who will step off their Hamster Wheel and listen.

TIME JUMPS FOR THE BUSY AND POWERFUL

00:00 Welcome to the Podcast!
02:00 Why is conventional investing wisdom wrong? And why are tens of millions of people gambling their money away in 401ks and IRAS?
03:11 The shocking truth about historical tax rates
04:47 A case of two brothers and a comparison of Roth and Traditional IRAs
06:08 There are no guarantees except this one…
06:40 Myths and misconceptions of 401ks and IRAs
11:17 The History of current investment vehicles
19:20 Investments available to wealthy individuals that are unknown to the average person
27:05 Why people default to traditional tax-deferred investment vehicles
31:07 Why do you think people don’t know about these other investment options
34:02 What Tom thinks of Dave Ramsey and Suze orman
37:31 Why real estate and related tax loopholes are a more effective way of investing for retirement
43:37 Audience Question: What about REITs? Are they better than owning physical property?
46:54 A quick side by side pros and cons of real estate investment
54:14 Audience Question: Where and how should we invest our money for the best return?
56:40 Audience Question: Would you invest in cryptocurrency and electric car stocks and where would you put a thousand dollars or even $10,000?
58:34 Closing thoughts and thanks

Audience Questions

• Actual REAL PROPERTY ownership or REITs?
• Where and how should we invest our money for the best return?
• What do you do when you live in an expensive area? How do you invest in Real Estate given that situation?
• Would you invest in crypto currency and electric car stocks (like Tesla) and where would you put $1000 (or even $10,000) today?

To connect with Tom Phelan:

Websites: https://www.daretocomparelivingbenefits.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tom-phelan-13979ba/
Email: tomphelany@yahoo.com

To connect with Mark Botros:

https://marble.app/markbotros

Music Credit(s)

Fond Memories – SYBS

Photo and Media Credits

• Canva.com
• CESAR CASANOVA
• Tom Phelan
• Cottonbro
• Gabby K
• GamOI
• General Marketing Service
• Gifing.com
• Jate Shutter
• Jep Gambardella
• John Stocker_Vector
• Karolina Grabowska
• Kelly Lacy
• Mart Productions
• Monstera
• Pixabay.com
• Rodnae Productions
• Roy Buri
• Suzy Hazelwood
• Tim Kieper
• Tima Miroshnichenko
• Tom Fisk
• Videezy.com
• Videographer Shiyaz
• Videvo.com
• Vecteezy.com
• Pexels.com

There is a 100% probability that you and I are going to face death one day. Our mortality is a fact we don’t like to face, and often do little to prepare for until it’s too late. In fact, caring.com did a study in 2021 and found that 67% of American adults don’t even have a will.

Mary Beth Simon was preparing to retire from a 31 year career at Vanguard when her friend, Sue was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Sue asked Mary Beth to help her husband navigate the beneficiary process if she didn’t survive. Sue eventually passed away, and Mary Beth spent 3 months working with Sue’s husband to recreate their entire financial landscape. You see, Sue managed the finances and investments, not her husband. The pain of watching her friend pass on, and the pain of putting the pieces together of an entire life made Mary Beth realize that we all need to do a better job empowering our loved ones and business partners to take over for us in our absence.

Don’t miss this incredibly important interview it could save your family and your business.

TIME JUMPS FOR THE BUSY AND OVER-COMMITTED

00:00 Mark’s personal true story, why this episode is so relevant
03:22 Two-thirds of all American adults don’t have a contingency plan and WHY
05:16 The price of not having a contingency or estate plan
05:25 What’s the price of them not doing it?
06:28 The benefits of having a contingency plan
08:00 The people who prepare – this is what they are like
08:57 The people who prepare – this is what they all have in common
09:28 The AWARE contingency planning framework for our personal lives
11:00 The COPE framework for business continuity
12:48 The complete everything checklist
14:08 Annual reviews – when to do them
14:29 Digital or physical storage
17:53 The largest obstacles for getting started…and finishing
19:13 The password book
20:28 The second in command – What qualities should they have?
22:05 The contingency plan in action – it really works
23:46 Resources Mary Beth offers free and otherwise
24:45 Your next three moves
26:39 Speed Round
31:48 The one secret of success
32:23 The greatest lesson from life and business
33:06 If Mary Beth could offer one bit of advice to the world
33:59 Mary Beth’s final thoughts
34:32 Where people can find and connect with Mary Beth online

To connect with Mary Beth:

Website: https://nichepartnershipconsulting.net
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mary-beth-simon-npc/
Email: mbs@nichepartnershipconsulting.net

To connect with Mark Botros:

https://linktr.ee/markbotros

Music Credit(s):

Intro and Outro: “Fond Memories” – SYBS

Photo and Media Credit(s):

• Mary Beth Simon
• Karolina Grabowska
• Pexels
• Pixabay
• Freak
• Pch.vector
• Dooder
• CityXcape
• Aghyad Najar
• Engin Akyurt
• Olia Danilevich
• Anastasia Shuraeva
• Kindel Media
• Yaroslav Shuraev
• Roman Odintsov
• Taryn Elliot
• SwissHumanity
• Ivan Khmelyuk
• Thirdman
• Mego-Studio

Attribution Links

Medical vector created by freepik – www.freepik.com
People vector created by pch.vector – www.freepik.com
Background vector created by dooder – www.freepik.com
Water photo created by mego-studio – www.freepik.com

How You Know a Reward is a Good Reward

I’m a huge fan of productivity, but I’m an even bigger fan of giving yourself rewards when you’ve really earned them like overcoming procrastination and taking action on something you’ve been putting off. What follows is a list of ideas to reward yourself in a healthy, fun, and sustainable way. Admittedly, these are small rewards that have particular appeal to me personally. So what may be a reward to me, may be the complete opposite for you. The idea here is to help spark your own ideas for good self-rewards.

Before COVID, my daughters were both competitive swimmers. One day I was volunteering as a timer at one of their divisional swim meets. While standing in the lane getting more and more wet with every passing heat (i.e. a group of swimmers who are lining to compete for their race), I saw hundreds of kids line up to swim that day. There were two children in particular, both were the same age, both came from the same socio-economic strata, both had about the same athletic level, same team, same coach, and even had the same color hair. But there was a key difference in the two children.

From Colored School in the South to Bank President, Annella Metoyer’s story is compelling, inspiring, and full of hard-fought wisdom. Don’t miss this incredible interview!

Annella Metoyer came from humble beginnings. Starting out in a colored school, Annella didn’t quite fit in due to the color of her skin, yet when she transitioned to a white (or integrated) school, she didn’t quite fit in there either. She faced daily challenges, yet remained ever curious, determined, and driven. She rose through the ranks of the banking industry to become the city president of one today’s major banks.

Her inspiring story is found in her #1 best-selling book, “Dare to be the Change”.

Annella has a unique perspective on leadership, race, diversity, and what it takes to be successful. She says that every challenge carries within it the seeds of an advantage. She has devoted herself to sharing her story of adversity, of hope, and tackling the fear that often grips us. As a veteran of the business trenches she has a ton of life-changing insights to share. Don’t miss this incredible interview where we cover leadership, coaching, communication, motivation, influence, and confidence.

TIME WARPS FOR THOSE WHO WANT TO SEE THE FUTURE

00:00 Opening Teaser
02:41 Why Annella wrote Dare To Be The Change
03:21 How her grandson being bullied inspired Annella to write another book
05:41 Ten-year-old Annella leaves the colored school, but it doesn’t get better for her
07:50 Annella’s adversities growing up
09:16 How to turn adversity into your advantage
10:34 What kept Annella from becoming angry and bitter
11:30 Do you think that we have evolved as a society or do you think that we have a better veneer for racism in our country today?
13:01 How to become a bank president
15:22 What Annella did better than everyone else
17:33 The power of intentional brand identity
18:30 Annella’s father gives her sage advice
19:11 Complex challenges at the top, including turning around adversaries
22:51 The greatest lessons from 40 years in banking
24:15 Annella’s coaching method
26:08 Becoming the key voice in the room
30:41 How a person discovers their strengths to become that voice in the room
34:41 Taking someone to their next level
36:47 What is forward feed?
39:11 How to build that high performance teams at every level
44:17 What is feminine fear?
48:05 What are the root causes of fear?
48:39 Power sources and levels of power
51:00 One secret of Annella’s success
51:19 Annella’s one piece of advice to the world
51:28 Annella’s greatest lesson
52:30 What Annella wants most for her life

TAGS AND HASH-TAGS

leadership #race #diversity #bosses #success #inspiration #fear #advice #coaching #communication #motivation #influence #confidence #business #culture #teamwork #strengthsfinder #executivepresence #power #highperformer #highpotential

To connect with Annella:

Website: https://annellametoyer.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/annellagmetoyer/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/annella.metoyer
Twitter: @MetoyerAnnella
Insta: @annellametoyer

To connect with Mark Botros:

https://linktr.ee/markbotros

Music Credit:

Intro: Immortality – Aakash Gandhi
Outro: Don’t Turn Back – Silent Partner

Photo and Media Credit(s):

Anna Shvets
Annella Metoyer
Adaliton Batista
Cottonbro
Daniel Reche
Joao Jesus
Laterjay Photography
Markus Spiske
Maxim Antipov
Miriam Espacio
Paul Daley
Pavel Danilyuk
Pixabay.com
Pexels.com
Taryn Eliot
Tima Miroshnichenko
Tom Fisk
Tomislav Jakupec
U.S. National Park Service
Vlada Karpovich

Maureen Kures spent 35 years as an oncology, hospice, and ICU nurse. This specialized work has given Maureen a unique perspective on life and death. She has seen first-hand the devastation that can happen when families aren’t prepared for death. So she decided to devote herself full time to helping families to prepare more proactively, and cope more positively with the transition of a loved one.

TIME CUTS FOR THE BUSY AND OVER-COMMITTED

01:54 COVID-19 and Western society’s attitude toward death
02:26 The hardest part about death
02:53 Misconceptions about death
03:21 What motivated Maureen to become and “end-of” Life Coach
04:51 The unprepared family
08:05 The big problem Maureen is trying to solve
08:20 A history lesson on death in our society…but today…
09:22 Some prompts to start conversations about end of life planning
10:54 The attitude of people who are dying
11:48 Maureen’s surprising call from her father
14:09 On his death bed one hospice patient shares his deepest regrets and fears
15:36 The regrets of the dying
16:28 A healthy grieving process
18:14 How the media presents death, and we need to see death
19:23 The benefits of having a plan, and actually talking about “end of life”
20:45 What is a Life Review?
21:54 How Maureen stays positive and hopeful in a career with so much death
23:17 How important is mindset / attitude as we go through a “negative” diagnosis prognosis?
24:09 Cultures that celebrate death in a healthy and beautiful way
25:07 Why it’s important to prepare for death
27:30 The biggest mistake families make when dealing with a sudden health crisis or death
30:29 Comfort for families with a hospitalized, COVID-infected family member
33:16 The good thing that has been overlooked in media coverage
34:18 The age it’s appropriate to start end-of-life planning
36:31 End-of-life Insurances
36:43 The Checklist – Getting our affairs in order
38:43 The value of having an “End-of” Life Coach
39:54 Speed Round
41:00 Why Regret is unnecessary
41:57 Maureen’s secret of her success, greatest lesson, one piece of advice for the world, and what she wants most for her life
43:33 Maureen’s final thoughts
45:19 Where to find Maureen Kures

TAGS AND HASH-TAGS

#death #dying #covid #preparation #regrets #life #lifeReview #lifeInsurance #radiantmourning #advice #culture #health #endofLife #celebrate #Celebration #LifeCelebration #GoOutWithABang #Healthcare #LessonsLearned #enlightenment #mistakes #benefits #hospice #cancer #crisis #peace #peacefultransition #lifeworks #beautifuldeath

To connect with Maureen:

Website: https://radiantmourning.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/radiant-mourning/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/radiantmourning

To connect with Mark Botros:

https://markabotros.com
Instagram: @markabotros
Twitter: @markbotros
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/businessstrategist/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mbotros/
Email: mark@markabotros.com
The LIFE WORKS Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-life-works-podcast/id1475582936

Music Credit:

• Intro: Ester Abrami, “No. 4 Piano Journey”
• Outro: Silent Partner, “Don’t Turn Back”

Photo and Media Credit(s):

• Cole Keister
• Matthias Groeneveld
• Tima Miroshnichenko
• Top Way
• Pexels

Col. Tom Connally, is a retired United States Marine Corps officer; He’s the Founder and President of Connally Consulting; and the author of the breakthrough leadership book, “Becoming a Leader – A Roadmap for my Daughter and the Aspiring Leader”. In this episode he teaches us everything we need to know about being an effective and successful leader.

WHAT YOU WILL LEARN IN THIS INTERVIEW

01:22 Col. Tom’s Backstory
07:58 What is a leader vs what is a manager?
10:28 Overview of key concepts in the book, “Becoming a Leader”
12:38 The #1 thing you can for your people as a leader
14:23 “Chaplin” Connally
17:06 Leadership is an apprenticed vocation
17:37 How leaders build culture
17:57 Leadership is contextual
18:51 Personal Leadership – We need to lead ourselves first
21:43 Passions get you in a ditch real fast
22:44 You need more than goals – you need these as well
23:53 you can’t choose what kind of leader you need to be
25:54 Most battles are lost by commanders who give, not when they are beaten
27:28 When our will is strongest
28:52 What causes us to follow other people?
29:57 4 types of leaders (Competence and Character)
31:37 Are you supposed to be the leader?
33:04 Do bad leaders out number the good ones?
35:19 The misconceptions about Leadership
35:52 Can anyone lead?
37:47 How to change culture in an organization
42:28 What leaders need to give their people all the time
43:30 A Case Study in Culture Change: Deploying to Iraq
46:47 How to assess an organization to improve its performance and make it better
52:18 Why most leadership training is worthless
52:50 What our leaders need from US
54:44 Can anyone become a better leader at any point in their career, especially later?
55:31 Don’t sell the lawnmower
58:49 Where to find and connect with Col. Tom

To connect with Tom Connally

Website(s): https://connallyconsulting.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tom-connally-08488711/
Instagram: connally_consulting
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/247leadership

To connect with Mark

https://markabotros.com
Instagram: @markabotros
Twitter: @markbotros
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/businessstrategist/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mbotros/
Email: mark@markabotros.com
The LIFE WORKS Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-life-works-podcast/id1475582936

Podcast Music Credit

Track: Invincible
Artist: Aakash Ghandi
Used under YouTube License

Track: Memories — INOSSI [Audio Library Release]
Music provided by Audio Library Plus
Watch: https://youtu.be/GePAKPB6vQY
Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/Memories
Used under Creative Commons License

Photo Credit

Jordan Madrid

I think we can all agree that 2020 was an unexpected year on so many levels. We saw a once in a century global pandemic, we saw an economic collapse, where in the United States alone more than 33 Million jobs vanished within a matter of weeks, we saw George Floyd and the social justice protests and riots that came about as a result. In the midst of all that, we also lived through a highly contentious presidential election.

This year I really sought to make sense of all this for myself — and for you. So I decided to invite experts to talk to me, and what I’ve compiled are 10 of the lessons and takeaways from those interviews in 2020.

00:00 Intro
00:45 Lesson 10: How to Prevent Covid-19 (Dr. Lisa Koche)
02:28 Lesson 9: The Fountain of Youth (Olivia Sheldon)
03:57 Lesson 8: Never Ever Give Up (Andre Watson)
05:43 Lesson 7: Follow Your Curiosity (Lorraine Rise)
07:32 Lesson 6: An Exercise in Humility (Dr. Dan Hill)
08:48 Lesson 5: Suffering and Identity (Professor Myles Eldreth)
09:43 Lesson 4: How the Media Skews Reality (Dr. Victoria Romero)
11:43 Lesson 3: How to Turn Down the Social Media Volume (Bob Pearson)
12:31 Lesson 2: The Impediment to Confidence (Michael Hertz, Ph.D)
13:31 Lesson 1: A Life Well Lived (Katiusca Guzman, Esq.)

Did any of these resonate with you? Put it in the comments below. Were there more lessons? Absolutely, you bet there were. Over the holidays, I invite you to look into these interviews if you have some time. I promise you, they will not be a waste of your time. If you love to learn as much as I do check out the full interviews you won’t regret it.

To follow Mark

Instagram: @markabotros
Twitter: @markbotros
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/businessstrategist/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mbotros/
Email: mark@markabotros.com
The LIFE WORKS Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-life-works-podcast/id1475582936

Media Credits

• CDC
• Jon Sailer
• Kilian Figueras Torras
• Pixabay
• Pressmaaster
• Victor Varetto

Special Thanks To All Guests in 2020

• Dr. Lisa Koche
• Olivia Sheldon
• Andre Watson
• Lorraine Rise
• Dr. Dan Hill
• Prof. Myles Eldreth
• Dr. Victoria Romero
• Bob Pearson
• Michael Hertz, Ph.D
• Katiusca Guzman, Esq.
• Tim Clark, Ph.D
• Garry Golden
• Marti McEwean
• Walter Powell
• Dr. Marisela Martinez-Cola

Psychologically, why do we follow someone? In this interview, Dr. Victoria Romero helps us understand why and how we are persuaded and influenced, and what the psychological underpinnings are.

Dr. Victoria Romero is a researcher, consultant, and speaker in the areas of neuroscience and human behavior. She is the Chief Behavioral Scientist for CACI, where she focuses on using both social and data science to better understand information transfer and social influence.

IN THIS INTERVIEW

01:21 How Victoria got into her field
03:05 The intersection between marketing and national security
04:09 The psychological components of persuasion and influence
04:50 Categories
05:50 Types of ideas we encounter today
06:07 Generalization
06:58 Heuristics (aka Mental Shortcuts)
08:09 Car Accidents
09:09 How the news media really works, and how it doesn’t line up with reality at all
09:45 Fear of terrorist attacks vs. falling in your bath tub
10:26 Medical Errors vs Gun violence
11:34 Common biases (in and out groups)
14:06 You can’t get rid of biases
14:53 How we develop biases (the blank slate vs. the evolution of the ability to have biases)
16:40 Speaking and categorization
17:06 Emotion and influence and persuasion
18:24 How we actually make decisions
18:52 How to persuade purely on logic, reason, and thinking – but usually…
20:49 How we are persuaded emotionally
22:04 Does the brain buy into “fake news”? The answer will surprise you
23:50 The truth about fake news
24:41 The truth about memory in persuasion and influence (our own “fake news”)
28:42 Definition of Schemas (Mental Framework and Scripts; e.g., Restaurants and Political Parties)
31:57 Changing Schemas (e.g., perceptions of LGBTQ population over time)
33:41 Psychological identity
35:19 Individualism vs. collectivism
39:08 Moral foundations, values, and sacred values
47:06 Examples of highly effective persuasion and influence campaigns (e.g., Taking down the Marlboro Man)
48:00 If you want to make real change…
51:26 The Truth Campaign
53:10 How suggestible are you?
54:20 Age, suggestibility, and inhibition
56:00 You are more suggestible when…
56:34 How to think critically about information we encounter (“counter-heuristics”)
58:35 Have some grace with others, we’re more alike … in our brains
59:24 How to build a persuasion or influence campaign
1:02:00 Pro-Vaccination vs. Anti-vaccination
1:03:47 Victoria’s one secret of her success
1:05:04 Victoria’s greatest lesson
1:06:35 Victoria’s one piece of advice to the world
1:07:45 Victoria’s legacy

CONCEPTS TO GOOGLE

Heuristics
Biases
Availability Bias
In Groups / Out Groups
Cognitive Psychology
Confirmation Bias
Schemas
Individualism
Collectivism
Moral Foundation
Sacred Values
The Truth Campaign
Suggestibility
Tip of the tongue phenomenon

To connect with Dr. Victoria Romero

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/victoriaromero/
Email: victoria.romero@caci.com

To connect with Mark Botros

https://markabotros.com
Instagram: @markabotros
Twitter: @markbotros
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/businessstrategist/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mbotros/
Email: mark@markabotros.com
The LIFE WORKS Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-life-works-podcast/id1475582936

Podcast Music Credit

Track: Memories — INOSSI [Audio Library Release]
Music provided by Audio Library Plus
Watch: https://youtu.be/GePAKPB6vQY
Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/Memories

Photo Credit

Todd Poirier

After being diagnosed with leukemia at age 15, and struggling through a life time of devastating illnesses and diagnoses, Dr. Lisa’s journey through medicine has mirrored her own self-healing path. Today she is “younger” and healthier than ever before.

Dr. Lisa Koche is a triple board certified in Internal Medicine, Bariatrics, and Anti-Aging & Regenerative medicine. She is the medical director and founder of Spectra Wellness Solutions. She is also the Best selling author of the breakthrough book, “GET LIT”.

What’s in it for the Audience: We’re living in arguably and measurably one of the worst health crises in over 100 years. In this WOW interview, Dr. Lisa gives us real guidance and strategies for making our bodies, minds, souls, and spirits strong, healthy, and younger, so that we can actually thrive during this time instead of just surviving.

IN THIS INTERVIEW

01:34 Dr. Lisa’s Childhood leukemia and her journey through medicine
06:01` Dr. Lisa’s “road less traveled”
07:48 Dr. Lisa’s entry into Functional Medicine
10:16 Enter the “Witch Doctor”
13:53 Traditional medicine and the focus on symptoms vs. causes
15:37 The impact of insurance on real care
16:53 The success rate – 8000 patients says it all
17:07 People are smarter than big institutions give them credit for
18:12 COVID-19
19:47 Dr. Lisa’s cocktail for COVID-19 prevention
21:33 Other things we can do to help prevent COVID-19 and keep ourselves strong
24:21 Dr. Lisa’s calling to bring medical truth to the public
27:58 2.5 million views
29:17 Information, Misinformation, and Trusted Sources
33:02 What everyone needs to know about COVID-19
34:03 The “V” word
35:20 Working on the pathogen vs. working on the host
37:17 Dr. Lisa’s Book “GET LIT”
37:52 What GET LIT means and how to get there
38:36 Biohacking 101
41:47 “The perfect day” and optimal health routine
45:13 THE FOUNTAIN OF YOUTH
46:32 The Ketogenic Diet
49:25 The Human Diet
50:27 Keto for kids?
51:17 Doing Keto wrong
51:40 Keto long term
52:34 Intermittent fasting, benefits, and viability long term
55:04 Dr. Lisa’s one secret of success
55:29 Dr. Lisa’s greatest lesson
56:27 Dr. Lisa’s one piece of advice
56:41 What Dr. Lisa wants most for her life
57:04 Dr. Lisa’s final thoughts – live out loud
58:17 Where to connect with Dr. Lisa

CONCEPTS TO GOOGLE

• Functional Medicine
• COVID-19 prevention
• Vitamins
• Biohacking
• The Ketogenic Diet
• Intermittent Fasting

To follow Dr. Lisa Koche

Website(s): https://spectrawellness.com/
http://spectrawellness.com/keto-ish/
Instagram: @dr.lisakoche

To follow Mark

https://markabotros.com
Instagram: @markabotros
Twitter: @markbotros
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/businessstrategist/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mbotros/
Email: mark@markabotros.com
The LIFE WORKS Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-life-works-podcast/id1475582936

Podcast Music Credit

Track: Memories — INOSSI [Audio Library Release]
Music provided by Audio Library Plus
Watch: https://youtu.be/GePAKPB6vQY
Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/Memories

Photo Credit

Kristina V. | Unsplash.com

We all have a little bit of Stage Fright. Whether we are interviewing, introducing ourselves in a meeting, giving a big presentation, writing a blog post, or singing in front of hundreds or thousands, we all have a little bit of stage fright. Stage Fright expert, Marti MacEwan, defines stage fright, performance anxiety, and imposter syndrome; uncovers the source of those concepts, talks about what is actually happening biologically when we get stage fright, and offers a real solution for curing it.

Marti MacEwan is a licensed, professional counselor and coach who specializes in stage fright, performance anxiety, and fear of public speaking for people in business, the arts, the professions, politics, and academics. She is the author and creator of, “The Stage Fright Cure”

In This Interview

01:10 Marti discovers the source of her own struggle with Stage Fright
03:57 A key insight started it all (brain vs. body)
05:58 Definitions of Stage Fright, Performance Anxiety, and Imposter Syndrome
09:29 The source of Stage Fright, Performance Anxiety, and Imposter Syndrome
13:49 Getting out of stage fright is not just a cognitive decision process
14:36 The connections between perceptions of past experiences and stage fright
16:37 How the meaning of events change after you do “the work”
17:41 Why people have stage fright
18:17 What we carry with us over the years
19:08 Holographic plates and our perceptions
21:00 An example of someone who suffered from stage fright, and why
22:37 The good news is…
22:48 What is happening biologically when we have stage fright
29:32 “Cafeteria plates”
30:40 Why it’s important to overcome stage fright
33:30 Unimpeding energy
36:23 The benefit of getting over stage fright
37:41 The secret of this “cure”
38:40 The Rapid Relief Process Framework
41:22 How the Stage Fright Cure differs vastly from other stage fright solutions
42:24 4 aspects of getting over Stage Fright
45:30 An eye-opening take on “confidence”
49:30 A case study of a dramatic turnaround
51:51 How long does it take to get over Stage Fright?
54:15 Marti’s 1-2-3 success formula
56:58 Marti’s greatest lesson learned
57:40 Marti’s goal
58:18 How to connect with Marti

CONCEPTS AND RESOURCES TO GOOGLE

• The Stage Fright Cure
• Thought Field Therapy
• Dr. Roger Callahan
• The Rapid Relief Process
• Stage Fright
• Performance Anxiety
• Imposter Syndrome
• Amigdala
• Hippocampus
• Thalmus
• Pituitary Glands
• Adrenal Glands
• Cortisol
• Pre-Frontal Cortex
• Vagus Nerve
• Polyvagal System
• Sympathetic Nervous System
• Parasympathetic Nervous System
• Autonomic Nervous System
• Acupuncture System
• Meridians
• Chakras
• Auric Field

Andre Watson’s story is incredible. It is a classic American Dream, rags-to-riches story that is full of broken dreams, tears, lonely park benches, betrayal, and tragedy. But it is also a story of redemption, re-commitment, and one where God, love, and persistence conquer all.

This interview is full of humor, depth, wisdom, and inspiration. If you want to see two close friends of 30+ years bantering about the important things in life, you are in for a treat. Don’t miss this interview.

GUEST BIO

Andre Watson is a Commercial Real Estate Broker, and Managing Director of KW Commercial in Philadelphia, PA. He specializes in investment sales on behalf of business owners and investors, He also consults with clients on commercial market evaluation, lease analysis, and contract negotiations.

In this interview

02:14 Andre’s humble beginnings
07:33 The High School Years
08:22 Early insecurities
09:00 Andre’s first dream for his life
10:25 The acting years
14:29 Why Andre got out of acting
15:21 The moment Andre decided to go into real estate
16:50 Low points, turning points, and defining moments
19:04 Andre walks out
21:03 Betrayal and tragedy
25:39 Andre’s formula for success
27:44 The drawbacks of colleges and universities
28:30 Recognize, identify, and pursue your skillset
29:38 The most important thing when it comes to being a success
30:23 Two of Andre’s great success traits
30:40 One of the best movie lines
31:13 Showing up and not giving up
31:44 Don’t care about how others define success
31:59 You don’t work you don’t eat
32:19 Get knocked down, get back up
32:22 What Abraham Lincoln and Mike Tyson have in common
32:45 Andre’s Happily Ever After
36:35 How Andre met the love of his life
38:15 Arranged marriages and the wisdom of parents
38:50 How marriage and parenthood changes you
40:40 The plight of single parents
41:16 Andre’s advice to his younger self
42:47 Coping with challenges
43:20 The ONLY thing you control completely
43:32 The greatest lesson learned, preparing for the end, and Fatih as the foundation of it all
46:12 What Andre wants most for his life
48:00 Final thoughts
48:15 Find your “one thing”, learn history, learning about the greatness of your society, the importance of your friendships, making peace with God
50:50 How to connect with Andre

To connect with Andre Watson

Websites: https://brevitas.com/u/andre-watson/yK5dh3K
http://www.kwcommercialglobalpartners.com/agent/BL2015-2530-1449543ccfb78bac5_Andre%2BWatson.html
http://www.crephilly.com/
https://www.crexi.com/profile/andre-watson-andrew
Blog: https://www.andrewatson.net/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/andre-watson-13793a9/
Email: andre_watson@kw.com
Twitter: @BrokerDre

To connect with Mark Botros

https://markabotros.com
Instagram: @markabotros
Twitter: @markbotros
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/businessstrategist/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mbotros/
Email: mark@markabotros.com
The LIFE WORKS Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-life-works-podcast/id1475582936

Podcast Music Credit

Track: Memories — INOSSI [Audio Library Release]
Music provided by Audio Library Plus
Watch: https://youtu.be/GePAKPB6vQY
Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/Memories

Photo Credit

Andreas Weilguny
https://unsplash.com/@aweilguny

Dr. Timothy Clark is the Founder and CEO of LeaderFactor, a leadership consulting and training organization headquartered near Salt Lake City, Utah. He is an international authority in the fields of senior executive development, strategy acceleration, and organizational change. Dr. Clark earned a triple degree, as an All-American football player at Brigham Young University, he completed his doctorate in social science at Oxford, and was both a Fulbright and British Research Scholar. Dr. Clark is the author of five books on leadership, including his newest release, “The 4 Stages of Psychological Safety: Defining the Path to Inclusion and Innovation.”

In this AMAZING interview we cover the following:

01:11 Psychological Safety
02:15 The 4 Stages of Psychological Safety
05:11 Where The 4 Stages came from
06:00 The 4 Stages, Maslow, and other Needs-Based Psychological Models
07:25 Corporate Cautionary Tales – Companies that died…and why
08:25 How leaders can kill an organization
09:45 “The Fear Button” and what it does to an organization
10:45 “The Lubricating Oil of Collaboration”, The key to remaining competitive
11:14 Psychological Safety at scale and How to change culture in an organization
14:59 A positive example of superb corporate culture
16:22 “Project Aristotle” – What Google learned by studying 180 of their teams for 2 years
19:42 The best leaders in the world do this…
21:28 “Bowling lanes and Gutters”
23:00 The normalization of exploitation
24:09 How Millenials are transforming the workplace
25:06 The two forces driving the need for Psychological Safety
26:56 The limitations of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion efforts
28:47 The perfect leader
35:58 The 4 Stages of Psychological Safety at home in the family
36:41 The goal of Parenthood
38:46 What The 4 Stages of Psychological Safety looks like in the family
39:35 Every 26 seconds…
40:12 The two aspects of the learning process
41:00 The value of teaching children about work ethic
41:49 Challenger Safety and the balance in raising Teenagers
44:20 The 4 Stages applied to our current times and environment
49:27 Tim’s advice regarding Leadership and Influence
51:10 One of Tim’s greatest lessons learned
52:06 Tim’s definition of success
53:05 Tim’s parting thought about leadership

CONCEPTS AND RESOURCES MENTIONED

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Psychologist, Carl Rogers
Herbert Simon
The 5 Principles of the Mars Corporation
“Project Aristotle” and the 5 Success Characteristics
Resources at LeaderFactor.com
Tim’s Latest Article on Forbes – How to Choose the Right Executive

To connect with Tim Clark:

https://www.leaderfactor.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/timothyrclark
Twitter: @timothyrclark

Photo Credit: Camylla Battani

Podcast Music Credit:

Track: Memories — INOSSI [Audio Library Release]
Music provided by Audio Library Plus
Watch: https://youtu.be/GePAKPB6vQY
Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/Memories

Joining me today is my longtime friend and colleague Myles Eldreth, College Professor, and Senior Manager with Transunion. He is an absolute ROCKSTAR. In 2014, he was given the “Outstanding Service to the College” award by The Northern Virginia Community College Educational Foundation. In 2016, he was nominated for the George B. Vaughan Leadership award by the Virginia Community College System (VCCS).

He has a surprising blend of superpowers. By day he is a government contracts and compliance expert, and by night he teaches business, finance, economics, international affairs, management, accounting. He also is podcaster, career coach, and avid gardener. He is also one of the most astute observers of current events that I’ve ever known. You’ve heard of Futurists? Myles is the consummate Now-ist.

Purpose/Intention:

The world is going through a hard time right now, and and Myles shares experiences and observations for dealing with tough times in light of his own recent challenges.

In this interview, we cover the following (time cuts are approximate):

01:58 Myles shares about some of his own challenges over the last few years
06:39 How to get through hard times
11:50 The purpose of difficulty, pain, suffering, challenges, and hard times
15:02 The good in suffering
17:45 What we learn from challenges
20:34 How Myles absorbs and moves forward through challenges
22:20 (through 24:40) Myles shares an insight about how your identity changes when you go through difficulty
22:46 Sometimes you need to actively avoid certain emotional triggers – maybe even move away
24:40 The importance of personal responsibility and getting through hard times
25:00 Micro-decisions and their cumulative effect
25:35 …more on getting out of unhealthy patterns / habits / vices when we go through hard times
26:09 The current health, political, and social environment stems from a lack of empathy and personal responsibility
27:37 Why we go through hard times
29:15 The need to get help from others, and the consequences if we don’t
31:53 Myles shares more than one secret of success
34:34 The circle of Kharma
35:30 The greatest life lesson Myles has ever learned
38:00 Myles takes about what he wants most for his life
40:15 Myles one piece of advice to the world
43:10 How Myles wants to leave the world better
45:20 Your first job will not be your last
46:10 Myles final thoughts on digging further into what makes you truly happy, taking calculated risks, dopamine, and life’s positives

To connect with Myles:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/myles-eldreth-6063724/

To connect with Mark:

https://markabotros.com
Instagram: @markabotros
Twitter: @markbotros
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mbotros/
Email: mark@markabotros.com
The LIFE WORKS Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-life-works-podcast/id1475582936

Podcast Music Credit:

Track: Memories — INOSSI [Audio Library Release]
Music provided by Audio Library Plus
Watch: https://youtu.be/GePAKPB6vQY
Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/Memories

Photo Credit: Chip Vincent

Joining me today Katiusca Polanco-Guzman – Attorney, Photographer, Artist, Spiritual Advisor, Life Coach, Social Media Personality, and Host of the Podcast, “Between These Stitches”. In this podcast we talk about personal reinvention, authenticity, self-reflection and confidence.

Why you want to tune into this podcast. In this interview, we cover the following (times are approximate):

• 03:04 Why people choose certain paths for their life, and how life paths happen
• 06:49 Why Kati decided to go to Law School
• 08:32 Why Kati left law to pursue the life of an artist
• 13:36 Why people want to reinvent themselves, and how to start that process
• 16:07 Why [self] Authenticity is so important
• 18:01 The balance of Authenticity and Compromise
• 19:54 Kati’s habit of self-work
• 20:57 How a person can become more self-aware
• 22:09 How to develop confidence and what gets in people’s way
• 24:03 Why Kati went all in on Fiber Arts
• 25:46 Why Kati started the “Between These Stitches” Podcast
• 26:30 The surprising racism, ageism, sexism, classism, and exclusivity in the Fiber Arts community
• 31:58 Kati’s secret to success
• 33:00 What Kati wants most for her life – Joy
• 34:13 Kati’s one piece of advice to the world
• 35:13 How Kati wants to leave the world better
• 35:49 Kati comes full circle and describes the pillars of confidence and reinvention
  

To connect with Kati:
www.betweenthesestitches.com
www.katiuscaguzman.com
Instagram: @betweenthesestitches

To connect with Mark:
https://markabotros.com
Instagram: @markabotros
Twitter: @markbotrosLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/mbotros/Email: mark@markabotros.com
The LIFE WORKS Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-life-works-podcast/id1475582936

Music Credit:
Track: Memories — INOSSI [Audio Library Release] Music provided by Audio Library Plus Watch: https://youtu.be/GePAKPB6vQYFree Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/Memories

Photo Credits:
David Clode and Katiusca Guzman  

Joining me for today’s interview, “How to be Interesting…and Interested” is longtime friend, colleague, and one of the most interesting people I know – Dr. Michael Hertz. Michael is a Senior Leader with Progeny Systems, and co-founder of Empowering Haitians, a non-profit that seeks to create economic opportunity, social independence, self-sufficiency, and sustainability solutions in Haiti.

In this interview we cover:

• What makes a person interesting
• How to become interesting
• How to be interested
• How to work a room – even a virtual one
• How to develop confidence
• The greatest impediment to confidence
• Secrets to a success work and personal life

Resources

A few resources (among many) for expanding your worldview to become a more informed / interesting / interested / person:

• NY Times
• Washington Post
• Reddit.com
• Fool.com
• Gizmodo.com
• BGR.com
• theweek.com
• Travelzoo.com
• Google travel
• http://historical-sites.find-near-me.info/
• thoughtco.com/
• getpocket.com
• ceoexpress.com

Tags

#howto #interesting #interested #confidence #leadership #workaroom #zoom #success #personal #lifeadvice #advice #wisdom #travel #covid19 #covid-19 #pandemic

Music Credit

Track: Memories — INOSSI [Audio Library Release]
Music provided by Audio Library Plus
Watch: https://youtu.be/GePAKPB6vQY
Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/Memories

Photo Credit

Lucas Sankey

In this final interview excerpt, we cover how to survive a police encounter in order to “fight another day.”

Joining me for this timely and very important interview is long time friend and colleague, Walter Powell is a Security Guru, and Former 20-year Police Officer.

Walter grew up in the first generation following the civil rights era, and spent 20 years of his career as a police officer. In this day and age, where the world is desperate for context, common sense, and critical thinking, he is uniquely qualified to offer an intelligent perspective on race, police, and what people can do as individuals to become more awake, aware, and enlightened about a variety of issues.

See the full length interview

where we cover:

• What drove him into law enforcement
• Black culture
• How to avoid resentment in the face of racism
• What he has taught his children about this society
• An insider look of what it’s like to be a black police officer
• Why black communities in particular are targeted
• Combatting Bias
• The power of being NICE and Respectful
• Predictions on the Future of Police Departments
• Defunding Police
• Can we end Racism?
• Why social movements are so important
• Balancing Crisis and Recovery

Music Credit

Track: Memories — INOSSI [Audio Library Release]
Music provided by Audio Library Plus
Watch: https://youtu.be/GePAKPB6vQY
Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/Memories

Check out my new podcast episode, “10 Secrets of Building Unity and Community (Length 9:41)”

In these anxious times, amid the backdrop of a pandemic and social unrest, we need to build unity and community more now than ever before. Over the years, I have observed (and personally implemented) these 10 SECRETS to bond and build unity, community, and camaraderie within groups or organizations.

1. Physical or Virtual Proximity
2. Food / Shared Meals
3. Lots of time spent together
4. Give them a problem to solve
5. Don’t Waste a Good Crisis
6. Give them a common cause or purpose
7. Create a common enemy
8. Give them a shared experience
9. Have fun or celebrate together
10. Have them in your home

#Unity #Communication #Community #Closeness #COVID-19 #Crisis #meals #Problems #CommonCars #CommonEnemy #SharedExperience #Fun #Celebrate #Home #Family #Team

Music Credit

Track: Memories — INOSSI [Audio Library Release]
Music provided by Audio Library Plus
Watch: https://youtu.be/GePAKPB6vQY
Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/Memories

Have you ever thought about how powerful the words we use are? Our words have great power. They are like “spells” we cast on our world. They shape how we see ourselves, our relationships, how high and how far we go in our career, they determine our success or failure. In fact our words determine our entire life.

Music Credit

Track: Memories — INOSSI [Audio Library Release]
Music provided by Audio Library Plus
Watch: https://youtu.be/GePAKPB6vQY
Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/Memories

Hard talks are an inevitable part of the human experience. All of us encounter difficult and awkward situations at work and in our personal lives, and at the heart of those situations are (you guessed it) difficult and awkward people that are usually the source of the problem.

Music Credit

Track: Memories — INOSSI [Audio Library Release]

Music provided by Audio Library Plus

Watch: https://youtu.be/GePAKPB6vQY

Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/Memories

Dr. Hill is an authority on the role of emotions in consumer and employee behavior and an expert in facial coding to help measure people’s decision-making process. He is the founder and president of Sensory Logic, a research-based consulting firm that specializes working with companies to enhance their sensory-emotional connection with consumers. He has appeared on CNN, the Today Show, MSNBC, and Fox Business. He is also the author of Emotionomics, Body of Truth, FaceTime, and First Blush

In this interview we cover some of the following questions:

Q: What is emotional intelligence?
Q: How does someone know if they have a high EQ?
Q: How do you read someone?
Q: Are there ways to tell if someone is trying to deceive you?
Q: What is the impact of Botox and other Cosmetic Surgeries on emotional expressiveness?
Q: How do you think the Coronavirus pandemic will change the way we communicate with others?
Q: In light of the new pandemic environment, what do we need to be more aware of or sensitive to in others?
Q: How do we make the most of our new virtual environment?

Music Credit

Track: Memories — INOSSI [Audio Library Release]

Music provided by Audio Library Plus

Watch: https://youtu.be/GePAKPB6vQY

Free Download / Stream: https://alplus.io/Memories

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6 minute read

Bottom Line Up Front: I spent 21 days in Egypt with my family touring the entire country, and these are some of the personal lessons I learned, and would like to share with you:

1. To enjoy life you must be present for it.
2. Exploring our history is vital for self-understanding and not repeating mistakes.
3. Rest and recovery is critical to balancing our unending expectations.
4. Life is not a solo sport, sometimes you need help.
5. Hospitality is love in action.
6. Embrace a little chaos.
7. Knowing we will all die one day, puts everything in clear perspective.
8. Love is the meaning of life

My family and I just returned from a 21 day trip to Egypt, and it was absolutely astounding. I don’t believe that my life will be the same after this experience. It was more than a touristy vacation, I experienced history, culture, family, and self-reflections in such a profound way, that I couldn’t help but be changed as a result. What follows are some of the life lessons I learned, and my hope is that in sharing them with you, we both will become better.    

To enjoy life you must be present for it.  Life is what happens between events, which means that if we are only living for the tasks and events in our lives, we are missing a whole lot of life. One of the most challenging things for me is to be in the present moment on a consistent basis. Often I focus on the mistakes of the past or terrorize myself over every future scenario. I blow through my to-do list at the expense of the things that matter most – time and intentional engagement with my family, connecting with colleagues and teammates, and my own personal re-creation. This trip forced me to be present, and you know what happened? I enjoyed life, my family, the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, legends, and adventures of that beautiful country. I really lived, and I have 3000 pictures to prove it.

Exploring our history is vital for self-understanding and not repeating mistakes. History is not just something we study in school, it is vital to understanding ourselves. History helps us to understand our tendencies, character, strengths, weaknesses, the lessons we’ve learned, and how far we have come. If we don’t explore our own history we could end up repeating the same mistakes and seeing the same problems over and over again. In Egypt, I was able to experience history on two levels – at the national level, and at the personal level. On a national level, I experienced history through our guides at the various temples and tombs. On a personal level, I experienced my own history through the retelling of old legends and stories. My family told the story of the last time I was in Egypt. I was 8 years old, and I put ketchup on everything, otherwise I wouldn’t eat. Ketchup was not available in Egypt at that time, and we forgot our bottle of Heinz in Asyut. So my parents had to send someone by train (4 hours away) to retrieve it. It was a humorous legend, but by exploring my personal history, I learned how far I’ve come. Since then, I’ve outgrown my childish addiction for ketchup, developed maturity and the decision-making skills to make good dietary choices.

Rest and recovery is critical to balancing our unending expectations. I’m a recovering workaholic. I’ve had to learn over decades how to balance work and integrate rest and recovery cycles into my routine. 21 days in Egypt gave me no choice but to unplug and just simply go along for the ride – literally. EVERY TIME I take a vacation, and really enjoy it, I realize how important getting away from work is. There is a time to work, and there is a time to rest, and I need both in healthy amounts. If we have family, friends, or a job there will always be expectations of us. What is critical is to balance those expectations with rest, recovery, and removal of anything unhealthy in our existence.  Fun Statistic: A study done by the US Travel Association showed that “People who took fewer than 10 of their vacation days per year had a 34.6% likelihood of receiving a raise or bonus in a three-year period of time. People who took more than 10 of their vacation days had a 65.4% chance of receiving a raise or bonus.” I’m already planning our next vacation.

Life is not a solo sport, sometimes you really do need help. I pride myself on being a generalist – a jack of all trades, and actually master of some, but sometimes I am out of my depth. Planning a 21 day trip to Egypt, where I don’t have mastery of the language, or experience with the business culture required me to get help. Our trip was logistically complex – We traversed the entire North to South geography of Egypt and came within 60 kilometers or 37 miles of Sudan. Our travel included 16 bags (of luggage), 8 airplanes, 8 cities, a Nile Cruise, 2 camels, 2 horses, 6 boats (sail and motorized), 3 hotels (including one on an island in the middle of the Nile), 2 family hosts, 2 Ubers, 9 different private drivers, 4 Egyptologists (Guides), 3-4 key advisors who help craft the itinerary. Not to mention the fact that each night when were in Cairo we had dinners with a different family every day, and also we needed to provide gifts for over 70 people in our family. I had to rely on the help of others, something I struggle with immensely, but I learned that “others too have brains”, and sometimes they will surprise you with how good they really are. 

Hospitality is love in action. Egyptians are extraordinary in terms of hospitality. On multiple occasions, we would be shopping in a store, and the proprietor would come up to us an offer us some tea, with the hope and expectation that we would actually sit down with them and enjoy 30 minutes together. Actually it was really good for business, because we got to know them and ended up buying more stuff. Our family hosts in Egypt were tremendous in terms of hospitality, we were hosted in multiple family homes and each of them prepared epic meals everyday, several times a day. Our family hosts gave us their master bedrooms so we would have our own place to stay. They gave us toothbrushes, toothpaste, and shaving cream. They went out and bought new towels. They served us their most expensive delicacies – which in their case is pigeon. They gave us their best of everything, and in their culture it is their way of showing love. The more food, service, and generosity – the more love they are showing you. And we felt deeply loved. Hospitality is love in the Egyptian culture.

Embrace a little chaos. In Egypt, anything and everything is possible. You can see it in the way they drive. There are lanes, rules, and red lights, but those are really more suggestions and guidelines. To be happy in Egypt, you need to embrace a little chaos, and let go of order or structure. Flexibility, improvisation, and thinking on your feet is key. I had an organized plan for our trip, and some of those plans were thwarted over and over again, and I struggled with that, but it was a good lesson for me that sometimes things happen for the best, we don’t always get our way, and things that take the place of our plans are sometimes better or more meaningful than what we originally had in mind. Ultimately, the trip exceeded everyone’s expectations, and I learned an incredible character lesson as a result – be flexible, let go of the plan, live in the moment, go with the flow, don’t mind the mess, and embrace a little chaos. 

Knowing we will all die one day, puts everything in clear perspective. The tallest buildings in a society shows what it values. Their tallest buildings were pyramids – giant gateways to the afterlife. You didn’t find a lot of intact ancient Egyptian homes, because they were made of mud-brick. Their pyramids and temples were made of limestone, sandstone, and granite – earthly elements that would last forever.  In ancient Egypt, they valued life, but they saw this as only one part of the journey. Death was a doorway to another life, and a great deal of life was spent preparing for the next one. Death was accepted as a foregone conclusion, it was embraced and prepared for, it was even celebrated – not something to be delayed and avoided with medication, and wrinkle cremes as we do today. If we embrace that Death is an absolute we will focus on what is truly meaningful in life – faith, family, friendship, food, joy, peace, variety, contribution, laughter, balance/integration, and the courage to live OUR life and not the one others expect of us.

Love is the meaning of life. I have my own family, and meeting the needs of that family consumes every waking moment when I’m not working, but when I went to Egypt I realized I had this whole other family on the other side of the world that I had frankly neglected for most of my life – until I went to see them. I found that my family in Egypt was where I came from, they were every bit as much my family as the one I lead here in the US. They loved me, my wife, and my children, without condition or reward – they just simply loved us because we were family. I learned that over the years, they thought of us, they prayed for us, they consider us in family decisions, and they loved us from afar. We are not a world apart as I thought, but rather intimately connected. The overwhelming love that we experienced showed me that it is family, friendship, and relationship that drives all of life, and if we get really honest, love is what makes it all meaningful.       

As I reflect on our voyage to Egypt, it was a life-altering experience. I learned the importance of being present, exploring deeper aspects my personal history and culture, the importance of rest and recovery, getting help, what true hospitality looks like, embracing life with all its messes and chaos, the perspective of death, and finally – the meaning of life.

• There are times when oceans have high tides and low tides
• There are times when we are awake, and a third of our life when we are asleep
• There is a time for plants to grow, and a time when they go dormant
• There’s a time to use our skills, and a time when we need to rest them
• There is a time to act, but there is also a time to think
• There is a time to work and a time to unplug

• Life can’t be all high-tide otherwise it will drown people and property
• We can’t be on all the time, otherwise, we eventually collapse
• Plants can’t constantly be growing, because our planet would be completely overrun with vegetation (on second thought, that would be beautiful)
• We can’t be learning all the time, without time to apply it practically – otherwise, it is vain, useless knowledge
• Life can’t be all weekdays, because we need to appreciate the weekends

“ The nature of life is cyclical. —MARK BOTROS

1. Do some more meditation
2. Do some extra exercise (EG, go for a walk, run, bike ride, hike)
3. Cleanup/Declutter/organize
4. Connect with someone
5. Think and plan ahead
6. Go home early
7. Do a random kind act for someone
8. Do you something you love but don’t do enough of
9. Take a nap or sleep
10. Go on an impromptu adventure

“ Just like a lightbulb, if we don’t ‘turn off’ we burn out. —MARK BOTROS

Where does your self-confidence come from? When it comes to self-confidence, I’ve noticed three types of people: those who have no self-confidence, those who have too much self-confidence, and those who have the right amount of self-confidence that is grounded in reality, self-awareness, humility, and faith.

Generally, if you are wondering which one you are, I would bet you fall into the first or third type.

Where does our self-confidence to come from?

This question is actually more difficult than you might think because I find it’s a highly personal thing. We all seem to derive self-confidence from different sources. I recently polled some of the most confident people I know to get an idea of where they get their confidence from, and the answers were incredibly interesting – and diverse:

Higher Education – Some derive their confidence from their education level or their accomplishments in academia – whether it’s achieving an advanced degree, teaching at the college level, or research they’ve done.

Physical features – Some get their confidence from their physical beauty, strength, shape or size. They tend to be unusually beautiful, handsome, tall, or in spectacular physical shape. They have a combination of physical features that make them incredibly attractive by society’s standards, so because society accepts them for their physical attributes they derive confidence from it.

Athleticism – Some gain confidence because they are gifted with athletic prowess. They may have (or had) the ability to move their bodies with unusual power, agility, or speed. And they simply dominate others in sports or physical contests.

Talent – Some are gifted with disproportionate talent in the arts, music, physical ability or mental cognition. They have the ability to amaze people with their innate gifts and talents.

Wealth – While it’s not always a guarantee of confidence, having financial excess certainly doesn’t hurt. Many wealthy people derive confidence from the fact that they have a disproportionate income or wealth relative to others. Having wealth and abundance provides confidence because all of your needs and wants are provided for without having to strive for them. Wealth allows you to have better options in most anything you want to buy whether it’s fashion, vehicles, homes, furniture, food, or vacations, and other experiences – better, more exclusive options are more readily available. Wealth also allows you to get out of the competitive fray for resources. Wealth allows you to focus on higher order priorities and activities. Avoiding or escaping this competitive struggle allows one to have self-confidence.

Who they know – For some their “network is their net worth” and they derive their Confidence from the value of their many connections, and the fact that they can meet virtually any need they have utilizing someone they know.

Professional Position or Accomplishment – Some derive their confidence from their achieving a certain position title, a coveted award, or some standing in their company, field, or industry.

Personal or professional knowledge, skills or abilities – Some people have so much in terms of what they know, what they can do, or what they have experienced in a given domain that they derive confidence from it.

Their ability to serve and meet needs – For some they get their self-confidence from their ability to jump in, serve, take action, meet needs, and solve problems. Sometimes it comes from a place of genuine selflessness, for others it comes from a place of wanting attention, gratitude, recognition, or love for their service, and for some others, they simply can’t sit still. In any of these cases, the person gains confidence for simply serving and being a helpful part of the solution, as opposed to just sitting idly by and not making any contribution whatsoever. After all, you can’t be mad at the person who jumps in and washes the dishes right?

Their faith or belief in Someone or something bigger than they – For many people, their confidence is grounded in God, their faith, their belief system, or an outlook on life that is distinct and different from others – they know something that others don’t, or perhaps their commitment to a great cause.

Sense of past performance – This is closely related to “Professional Position or Accomplishment” above, however this goes beyond a one-time position or accomplishment, this sense of confidence comes from people developing a track record of accomplishment, and so they derive their confidence from knowing they have done great things in the past, and barring any major changes, will continue to do so in the future.

Sense of overcoming – Some individuals have struggled, failed, and have been beaten down by their life, circumstances, environment, or their own decisions. We could say that all of us have been in that same boat at one point or another. Yet, there are those, however, that don’t stay in that state. They take personal responsibility for themselves, they realize that they create their world and they begin to transform their life To become the stuff of dreams. This process of struggling, deciding, persisting, and overcoming is the very thing that gives many people great confidence. They know where they came from, they know what they’ve been through, they know the value of suffering and struggle and they have pulled themselves out of it to live a completely altered life. Their rags to riches stories are ones that not only provide self-confidence and self-inspiration but also provide compelling examples for others to follow.

Wholeness and stability in personal relationships – Both research and common-sense overwhelmingly show that children who are raised in stable, loving homes tend to be more confident and well-adjusted than those who are not fortunate to have that advantage. But this extends to adults as well. Generally speaking, adults who have stability, love, respect, and esteem in their marriages, friendships, home, and personal lives, tend to have greater confidence than those who have imbalanced, fractured lives that lack stability, love, care, and respect.

Where does your self-confidence come from? I believe that our self-confidence comes from a variety of sources both internal and external. One of the common things I heard is that when people were gifted in [external] areas that society tended to look favorably upon like education, beauty, athleticism, wealth, professional position or accomplishment, they tended to be more confident. Otherwise, they derived their confidence from [internal] sources like faith, the ability to overcome struggle, or having certain character traits, skills, or experiences.

People fall within a spectrum of self-confidence. At one end, there is a total lack of self-confidence where someone PERCEIVES weakness in some, many, or all areas of their life. On the opposite end of the spectrum is an abundance of self-confidence which is either a genuine lack for nothing or self-delusion. I have observed that the best kind of self-confidence to have is somewhere in the middle of the spectrum. This form of self-confidence is a sober, realistic, hopeful one that takes into account all of our assets, but acknowledges our liabilities (i.e. the areas where we still need to grow). The best kind of self-confidence humbly embraces one’s self and others. The opposite of that is someone who thinks they are superior and stands above others for no particularly good reason.

No matter where your self-confidence comes from you should take great comfort and confidence in the fact that you are the only you in this entire world. You won! You were the one that beat out the rest of the cells that wanted to implant in your mother’s womb. You are a walking miracle. There is no one like you, no one with your exact genetic makeup, no one with your unique upbringing, no one who has your knowledge, skills, abilities, or experiences. No one who you had your exact perspective and outlook on the world. You are the only you in the entire universe. That is something to really ponder, absorb into your consciousness, and make part of your constant awareness.

For more information on confidence, consider this excellent article, “The Four Cornerstones of Confidence” by the iNLP center.

“ You are the only you in the entire universe. —MARK BOTROS

I have observed that bedtime offers us, parents, an incredible opportunity to build lasting memories with our families. But even if you don’t have children (or your children are grown) it’s still a perfect time to reflect on and bring closure to the day. My wife developed a small bedtime ritual that we do with our children to help us all close out the day. This ritual includes the following questions:

• What was the favorite part of your day today?
• What was the most beautiful part of your day?
• What were you most grateful for today?

Over time, I realized that this simple but profound practice of reflecting was not only good for our kids but for us adults as well. This daily reflection has helped us to:

• be more observant of the world around us
• be more present for those we love and ourselves
• build incredible lasting memories
• integrate the good things in our life into our psyche
• shift from a negative frame of mind to a more positive one
• stop, see, and appreciate the beauty that is truly all around us
• be more grateful
• expand our perspective and worldview end our day on a good note.

Cultivating a sense of gratitude gives us many benefits including developing a sense of peace, joy, love, happiness, and contentment – and bedtime is the perfect time to do that reflection.

“ “Bedtime is the perfect time to reflect and bring closure to our day.” —MARK BOTROS

In my previous post, 5 Things That All Great Parents Do I talk about my observations of the basic tenets of being a successful parent. I recently took those observations further by surveying a panel of successful parents, and asked them the following question:

“What kind of culture should we create in our homes to produce powerful children?”

What follows is the advice of some of the most successful parents I know. What they shared out of their great humility and lessons learned is that successful parenting isn’t about techniques, or tactics, or the latest book that everyone is reading. It’s a day-in-day-out struggle of discipline and intention to create a culture in the family that is healthy from the top down (i.e. starting with the parents and then focusing on the kids).

A Culture of Teaching – One component to good parenting is teaching. Successful, conscientious parents are always teaching good principles, training in life skills, adjusting socially-unacceptable behavior, and providing guardrails for behavior and decision-making. Teaching (along with the Expectations bullet below) includes developing a sense of accountability and responsibility, and not allowing our children to walk all over us, to act defiant and unruly, or to make horrible decisions without allowing them to experience the full force of the consequences. In my humble observation, if we want to teach, we must set the example and model the behavior we want to see. “More is caught than taught.” Whatever we want our children to become, we must become it first.

“ More is caught than taught. —UNKNOWN ATTRIBUTION

A Culture of Positivity – Positive parents produce powerful kids. Happiness and positivity are synonymous with one another, and they are achieved when a person decides to be so on a daily basis. True happiness that comes from inside is self-generated, not buying ourselves new things or good circumstances, but rather a deep sense of faith, confidence, perspective, and a maturity that comes about when a person has experienced suffering and has overcome, or better yet when they take personal responsibility and realize that life really is what they make of it. This makes them happy and positive because they know it is all in their hands. This positive perspective allows people to ‘not sweat the small stuff’ but to focus on producing kids that are great humans vs. just compliant student-musician-artist-athletes. Their kids end up becoming all these things and more. Their children become joyful, sensitive, empathetic, in-touch leaders among their peers.

“ Positive parents produce powerful kids. —JAMES BLOUGH, CFO FOR NET LEASE CAPITAL ADVISORS

A Culture of Expectation – In the play-turned-movie “My Fair Lady” Professor Higgins is a well-known language professor who takes on the challenge of training a street urchin to become a lady of the upper class. He believes so fervently in his ability to teach anyone that he also believes she can do it. This positive belief about someone else’s ability is known as “The Pygmalion Effect”. I won’t spoil the movie for you, but our kids (and people in general) will live up or live down to what we expect of them. I will caveat by saying that we should be reasonable about the expectations we place on our children and take into account their personality, intelligence, and capacity.

“ People live up or down to the expectations we have of them. —MARK BOTROS

A Culture of Ownership – Personal responsibility and ownership are not only keys to success as a parent, but also for success in every aspect of our lives. With parenting, there are no guarantees, but we increase our chances of turning out great children if we take ownership of them and not try to delegate our parenting duties to daycare workers, nannies, teachers, coaches, and other happenstance adult figures. If we want our kids to turn out well, we have to be active players with them in that game. We have to take ownership for raising them, and we need to teach them to take ownership as well. It is actually one of the most crucial life lessons that we can provide to them.

“ Taking ownership is one of life’s most crucial lessons. —MARK BOTROS

A Culture of Feedback – There is no shortage of external people in our lives who will provide us unsolicited input on our parenting and on our children. Regardless of whether they were successful parents or not, we should be open and listen gracefully when we get input or feedback from others. We should first look for the kernel of truth in their statement, and address it accordingly or simply discard it (away from their presence) if it is way off base. For example, my wife and I have had some friends, who have never had children, criticize us and give us parenting advice, and even in those cases, we would listen, thank them for the input, discuss it among ourselves, and then either accept it as valid or dismiss it. The importance is on the idea – regardless of the presenter. This concept, however, extends to the home internally in that you create a culture of giving children healthy, constructive, feedback the builds them into better human beings, AND allowing them to give you feedback as well. Our children are a conglomeration of our genetics, but they are also endowed with God-given uniqueness, so there are many things we can learn from them, and we would do well to listen to their observations of the home dynamic we create together. They are more insightful than we give them credit for.

A Culture of Humanness – Given the present age we live in, I think we as parents need to unite around the concept of restoring childhood, truth, beauty, and virtue for our children collectively. This includes getting them doing things that actually move them physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally. This includes playing outside, reading good literature and poetry, taking vacations that have elements of rest, beauty, and history, going to museums, going to the theatre, drawing, painting, journaling, and developing skills of observation, reflection, and contemplation. These sound slow and boring to the modern adult – let alone the modern child who has been weaned on electronic devices and instant gratification. However, I think that these things have become lost in lieu of another unspoken goal – turning us and our children into industrial producers and commercial consumers, which I believe is our current trajectory as a society. Taking devices as an example, I do not believe there are any convincing studies that show that electronic devices have truly added to the quality of our lives or our humanity. They certainly add to our convenience, but I’m not a better human being by playing hours of Candy Crush or constantly checking in on social media. Andrew Kern, Founder of the CIRCE Institute, says, “We become what we behold.” Which means if all we behold is the junk of the internet, then that will influence us powerfully, and we will become shallow, vapid, isolated, and cynical.

“ We become what we behold. —ANDREW KERN, FOUNDER OF THE CIRCE INSTITUTE

A Culture of Spirituality – In my humble observation, our society is also trending away from the core essentials that built our nation and our part of history and western civilization. The things that built our country were concepts like faith, freedom, liberty, and independence. Our country was built on religious and political expression, and our fore-parents were deeply spiritual people that saw the hand of Providence in everything, and they understood that the human experience was not simply an empty, limited, humanistic experience, but rather it was deeply interwoven with the Divine and Spiritual. The quest for inner and outer peace was not just an ideal, but the very quest of the human experience and it was rooted in faith and Someone bigger than they. A culture of Spirituality is essential for ourselves and our families, many of the most successful families I have observed and surveyed have, at minimum had some spiritual culture in their home. Spirituality centers us in a relationship with the Divine, but also roots us in faith, ethics, and a morality that becomes a foundation for our thinking, speaking, and doing.

A Culture of Unity – When two or more people live under the same roof, or exist in the same family, there are bound to be disagreements and differences of opinion and perspective. This is actually healthy. However, despite differences, there needs to be a culture of unity. Unity isn’t unanimity, it doesn’t mean there is always agreement. It means that when push comes to shove, everyone is there for one another, they rally around the hurt and the wounded, they cheer on truth, effort, hard work, and success, and they have “each other’s back” in all circumstances. Our families should be a haven, a sanctuary, from the outside world where we are accepted, loved, and tied to one another’s fate despite our differences of opinion. Unfortunately, unity won’t always happen, but it’s something we should strive for.

The Most Important Culture

A Culture of Example – One if the hardest parts of being a parent is living by example. The most successful parents have emphasized that being a great individual and a great couple is first and foremost. If the parents are healthy, so are the kids. Too many parents put the children first and suffer for it in themselves and their marriages. The way we live as individuals and as a couple will influence how our children and our families live. My wise friend, Chris, told me,

On an airplane they tell you, ‘in an emergency strap on your air mask before helping out others with theirs’. Parenting is the same way. You need to be sure you and your significant other are the priority, before you’ll have credibility to raise your children.

Children are our mirror, and they magnify our flaws and our virtues 10 times over. I can point to direct habits my children have because of my wife and I. Even if we don’t have families, we have people who look to us at our jobs and businesses, at social events, and in all of our extra-curricular activities. Our example is the most powerful teacher of all, and a culture of living out who we are is the primary culture we need to establish in our homes and lives.

“ Our example is the most powerful teacher of all. —MARK BOTROS

For many of us though, taking a true vacation can be a challenge. Often the weight of job or business responsibilities doesn’t allow us to easily get away. Sometimes a vacation itself represents additional work in terms of budgeting, planning, booking, packing, and food prep. And when we’re on vacation sometimes it’s difficult to let go of what’s happening back at the office or worse yet, we are so busy that we bring work (or some other work-like thing) with us while on vacation, which completely defeats the purpose of what a vacation should do for us. That said, taking a vacation is more than just a good way use up company leave, it is a critical component of recreating and restoring our minds, body, and souls.

In another post, “3 Reasons Why We Absolutely Must Take Vacation” I talk about why it’s critical to take vacations. It doesn’t just serve as a personal reset mechanism, but there is a statistical correlation between those who take vacations and their likelihood of receiving pay increases and/or bonuses.

“ There is a statistical correlation between those who take vacations and their likelihood of receiving pay increases and/or bonuses. —U.S. TRAVEL ASSOCIATION / HARVARD BUSINESS REVIEW 2016 TRAVEL STUDY

What a great vacation looks like

You know you are truly on vacation when one or more of the following conditions is true – when you are:

• Physically, mentally, and emotionally away from work or work-like responsibilities (this is a minimum requirement for a vacation)
• Completely and unquestionably present with those around you
• Engaged in some form of relaxation, fun, or adventure — or all of the above
• Making meaningful and lasting connections and memories with others
• Taking time for private reflection, recreation, or connection with yourself

What a great vacation does for us

A well-lived vacation is like pressing the reset button on ourselves, you should leave it feeling fully refreshed, restored, and encouraged to face life and work again. You should also walk away from a vacation slightly better in some way. You should be a more relaxed, self-aware, emotionally intelligent, or simply more grateful. I can tell I’ve had a really good vacation when I come back home with some new intentions, resolutions, and even some decisions on what will be different. On a recent vacation, I came back with several renewed intentions including being more present for my wife and kids, to “go with the flow” a little more, to care what people think a little less, and to push some important business initiatives more aggressively. So often we can feel wrecked coming back, and we often say, “I need a vacation from my vacation.” I’ve said this many times especially those times when the vacation was packed with fun and adventure. I think this kind of “wrecked” excusable. Work hard play hard, and leave it all out on the beach.

What’s less excusable is what I talk about in my post, “7 things you absolutely cannot allow on vacation”

So go ahead, plan your next vacation. You can never book too soon. And if you do it right, you’ll be happier, your performance will be better for it, and your bank account will likely thank you as well.

Have you ever needed a vacation from your vacation?

I certainly have. I’ve gone on some amazing vacations over the years, but I’ve also gone on some vacations that have left me worse for the wear. A few years ago, I went on vacation that wasn’t restful at all. In fact, when I came back people actually said to me, “Mark, you look really tired,” which was actually their polite way of saying, “Mark, you look absolutely wrecked, and not in a good way.” There were several things present on that particular vacation that led me to a conclusion — not all vacations are refreshing. The lesson I learned was that taking a vacation can actually be worse than work unless you fiercely protect it.

“ Vacation can be worse than work unless you fiercely protect it. —“MARK

I have found that bad vacations (or the bad aspects of vacations) all have common traits that we must not allow. They are as follows:1. Poor planning — The US Travel Association recently did a study and found that a vacation planned at least one month ahead of time was a good predictor of stress reduction. Statistically speaking, poorly planned vacations actually have the reverse effect of what a vacation ought to do — to press the RESET button on yourself. 2. Work — This should be an obvious one, but I have been guilty of having my mobile number on my out-of-office message. I have found that

Poor planning — The US Travel Association recently did a study and found that a vacation planned at least one month ahead of time was a good predictor of stress reduction. Statistically speaking, poorly planned vacations actually have the reverse effect of what a vacation ought to do — to press the RESET button on yourself.

Work — This should be an obvious one, but I have been guilty of having my mobile number on my out-of-office message. I have found that generally people are respectful of your time off, unless you are a key player who is working on something critical or time sensitive. Here are some ways to handle this:

• Bake vacation into your project plans whenever possible
• Give everyone (who needs to know) a heads-up, well in advance, when you will be out of the office
• Set out-of-office messages and make sure your calendar is blocked out with your time off
• Designate a responsible person to be your back-up, put their name and contact information on your out-of-office message, give them clear instructions, and then let them do it without checking in on them (they have to feel you trust them).

If you are spending a lot of time on YOUR vacation working, answering email, and engaged in conference calls, those you are with will not be too happy with you, and chances are you won’t come back refreshed, reset, and recharged. I will say this though, if you’ve gone on vacation, and you need to resolve something before you can unplug again, resolve it quickly, and then unplug. Otherwise, you’ll be thinking about it during your vacation, you won’t fully enjoy it, and you’ll come back frustrated that you spent hundreds or even thousands of dollars to be away, when all you did was work or think about work. I admit I do bring a laptop with me on vacation, not to work necessarily, but just in case that unavoidable emergency comes up. It’s like packing extra underwear — just in case.

Difficult people — When you vacation, you need to be around people who are going to be refreshing to you. After all, this is YOUR time away, and it may be your only time during the year to do so. One difficult person has the power to ruin a vacation if you allow them – I’ve seen it happen more than once. A difficult person is like having it rain on your vacation every day. Over the years, my wife and I have vacationed with many people — family, friends, and even strangers, so we have found what works for us in terms of finding the perfect vacation buddies. We do our own personal vetting of people. We account for dietary needs, family dynamics, child ages, behavior, and influence, the speed and hyper/hypo-activity of different people we will be with, etc. My advice, would be to vacation with people who you would enjoy “living with” for that period of time — otherwise go it alone, you may be just as happy.

“ A difficult person is like having it rain on your vacation everyday. —“MARK

Lingering Stress — On a recent vacation, my oldest daughter observed that we, her parents, spent the first 2-3 days discussing an extended family issue before we were able to fully decompress and enjoy the rest of our vacation. In the same way that work was there when we returned, so was the issue, so it wasn’t truly worth all the airtime we gave it.

Strict schedules — I love entertainment, especially when I’m away. So, on another vacation, we experimented with going to shows every single night. What this meant was that our time on the beach or on our excursions would get shortened. While we had fun, the strictness in our schedule didn’t allow us to simply be easy and relax at our pace. The lesson I learned for future trips was that we would have a plan for what we wanted to do while on vacation, but leave room for flexibility. Leaving expectations a little loose is not a bad thing on vacation.

Packed schedules — a close cousin to the strict schedule is an overly ambitious one. We did one vacation where we saw relatives in 4 different states in a week, and we came home totally wrecked. The lesson for me was to keep vacation agendas easy and reasonable, and not to pack in too much extra activity — unless you are in a new place, and the plan is to do and see as much as possible.

Negativity, ingratitude — a vacation, especially one that is sponsored by paid time off, is something to be truly grateful for when you consider work conditions just 100 years ago where a paid vacation was completely unheard of for the average worker. For as much as you’re paying to go away, for the fact that this is one of your few opportunities to be away, for the sake of your sanity, happiness, peace of mind and well being, on vacation, there should be a zero tolerance policy for negativity, ingratitude, and complaining. Instead of correcting yourself and others, use the time more effectively by actively focusing on the “good things of the day”. Make it a game, go around and ask people what they enjoyed most, and offer a prize for the most creative or different “good thing”.

“ On vacation, there should be a zero tolerance policy for negativity, ingratitude, and complaining. —“MARK

Did you know, data shows that people who take more than 10 paid vacation days have a 65% chance of receiving a raise or bonus?

Vacations are a key habit of the high-performers. A recent study performed by the U.S. Travel Association showed statistically that vacations are not just a good idea, but rather a critical practice that benefits our health, well-being, and financial success. Many of us have paid time off offered to us by our employers, yet many people think that if they martyr themselves for their jobs that they will be more successful. Nothing could be more false.

What follows are three findings from the study that show compelling reasons why we absolutely must take vacations.

It’s awesome for our well-being. Taking a vacation presses the reset button on ourselves. The study showed, taking more vacation results in greater success at work, lower stress levels, and more happiness at work and at home. If we don’t vacation “we’re losing out on crucial recovery time that our bodies and brains need — which is why vacations are so very important.” It gives us something to look forward to, and to work toward. Knowing you’ll be away drives you to get your work done more quickly so that you can relax while you’re away. One caveat to this is that a vacation needs to be well-planned. Statistically, a poorly-planned, tense, pressured, frustrating vacation does not improve energy levels or reduce stress, in fact, they completely eliminate the benefits of time away. However, the opposite is also true, if you are far from work, present, connecting with family and friends, and taking time to have fun, relax, or reflect, those vacations have the intended return on investment (ROI) in terms of being refreshed when you return home and to work. Statistically, it was found that if the vacation was planned at least one month ahead, that was a fair predictor that you would have a successful vacation.

“ Well planned vacations typically have a good ROI in terms of health, well-being, and reduced stress levels. —US TRAVEL ASSOCIATION

We are “volunteering our time” if we don’t. The US Travel Association study also found that most people (95% in fact) say that using their paid time off was very important. A Harvard Business Review article in 2016 referenced the US Travel Association report saying, “more than half of Americans (55%) left vacation days unused, which equates to 658 million unused vacation days.Imagine the impact those vacations could have on the U.S. economy — on airlines, hotels, restaurants, attractions, and towns — not to mention the impact it would have on individuals’ stress levels. Would you do your job for free? And do you take all your vacation days? If you say no to the first, you had better say yes to the second. In truth, if you are not taking all your time off, you’re not working more — you’re volunteering your time…By giving up this time off, Americans are effectively volunteering hundreds of millions of days of free work for their employers, which results in $61.4 billion in forfeited benefits.” Imagine the impact those vacations could have on the U.S. economy — on airlines, hotels, restaurants, attractions, and towns — not to mention the impact it would have on individuals’ stress levels. Would you do your job for free? And do you take all your vacation days? If you say no to the first, you had better say yes to the second. In truth, if you are not taking all your time off, you’re not working more — you’re volunteering your time…By giving up this time off, Americans are effectively volunteering hundreds of millions of days of free work for their employers, which results in $61.4 billion in forfeited benefits.

“ If you are not taking all your time off, you’re not working more — you’re volunteering your time. —HARVARD BUSINESS REVIEW

You’re more likely to get a raise or bonus. Finally, the most compelling reason for vacation, is this, “People who took fewer than 10 of their vacation days per year had a 34.6% likelihood of receiving a raise or bonus in a three-year period of time. People who took more than 10 of their vacation days had a 65.4% chance of receiving a raise or bonus. If you take 11 or more of your vacation days, you are more than 30% more likely to receive a raise.”

If you weren’t a believer before, then hopefully you are now, and hopefully, you are planning your next trip – your bonus or raise may depend on it.

As conscientious parents, we all have something in common. We not only want to provide for our children – physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, but we genuinely want to give them better information, lessons, learning, skills, experiences, conveniences, and opportunities – in other words – a better life than we had.

However, in this noble pursuit of giving our children the world, we all face a common enemy…entitlement. The heart of giving our children a better life than we had is the reduction or all-out elimination of suffering (or inconvenience) from their experience. In so doing, we think we are giving them a better life, but what we are actually doing (perhaps unintentionally) is enabling them to feel entitled to all that they have and do. Over time they come to expect little or no suffering (or inconvenience) in their life. And this is a great disservice to our children because we think that by alleviating suffering for them, we are serving them when the opposite is actually true. By giving them everything they need and want, we are creating children who can’t wait, who can’t fail, who aren’t resilient, who can’t fight, who can’t struggle, and who can’t persevere,  – and these are the very essence of being human – and achieving greatness.

So how do we give our children a better life than we had while enabling them to be even better human beings?

Allow them to see and experience suffering for themselves – Our friends, Greg and Mari take their son to volunteer when they go on vacation. So while they are off relaxing, unplugging, or adventuring, they build in time to serve others and give back in some meaningful way. It seems counterintuitive to intentionally allow your children to suffer or see suffering. I wrote a whole blog post about it. But if you’ve done any living yourself, you know that suffering breeds learning, growth, perseverance, and maturity. Why wouldn’t we want that for our children? I could make the argument, that allowing them to suffer does more for their character than an XBox. We should also remember that no matter how much we try to protect our children, Life and Suffering has a way of finding them.

Allow them to make mistakes – One thing my parents did was that they allowed me to make lots of mistakes – often very painful and expensive ones. This allowed me to learn numerous life lessons. So to honor my parents, we have a (fun) thing in our house – we try to celebrate mistakes as learning opportunities. However, living this is easier said than done. My wife and I have to catch ourselves, so as not to get angry or talk down to our children when they make a mistake, rather we try to discuss it humanely with them and ask them what they learned. Mistakes can be humbling learning opportunities if we handle them gracefully. However, if we don’t handle our kids’ mistakes well, they can serve to embitter our children or make them so afraid of failure it can create an unhealthy perfectionism in them.

Give them purpose and responsibility – Whether out of necessity or otherwise, another thing my parents did was that they pulled me into their family business when I was very young. This sense of purpose benefitted me in incredible ways – I learned about customer service, quality, and creating value. I also learned how to hustle, work hard, work smart, how to learn new things quickly, and best of all what it took to make money.

This point cannot be overemphasized – there is tremendous power in purpose. For example, I love seeing stories about teenage entrepreneurs. They not only have a sense of purpose but in the running of their businesses, they quickly learn about how the world really works. They learn about invention, investment, product development, competition, customer relationship management, and finance. And while it causes them to grow up quickly, they also learn that feeling “entitled” and feeling as though you are owed everything certainly doesn’t win you customers, nor does it work in the world.

“ This point cannot be overemphasized – there is tremendous power in purpose. —MARK BOTROS

Discipline and addressing bad behavior and entitlement directly – This is a generalization, but If we live in a first world country, and/or if our children have all their basic needs met, they will feel some sense of entitlement, largely because we have conditioned them to be so. We have done such a good job in meeting their needs and wants, that they know they will come to always expect to suffer less and to want more. Sometimes, they may act out or behave badly as a result of being spoiled. For example, just yesterday I asked my children to clean up a mess they made in the kitchen. It was their mess, and when I asked them to clean it up, they gave me a little more attitude than I appreciated. I reminded them (with my serious voice) that as citizens of our home, that they have responsibility for it as well.

The earlier we deal with unacceptable behavior, the better. It’s easier to deal with behavioral problems when children are young and malleable than to try to modify that behavior when they are older. In my humble observation, once they reach the age of 10 or above it becomes much more difficult, and once they become teenagers, it’s a truly uphill battle. We have to nip it in the bud and remind them continually by modeling gratitude and good behavior, because the feeling of entitlement simply doesn’t work in this world.

Ask them what they are grateful for on a very regular basis – The practice of gratitude is perhaps the most significant of all. Gratitude provides perspective, contentment, and a sense of abundance. Our family uses a practice called “10 good things” where we simply go around and list 10 good things from an event or experience we’ve just had. Or we might list 10 good things from our day if we are catching up at the dinner table. It’s a simple thing that cultivates incredible gratitude if done with consistency and regularity.

Mind you, I’m saying all this from a place of humility. I do not know it all. I’m still in the midst of raising my own children. So as I share these insights (many of which came from the best parents I know), they serve as a reminder to me personally as well. I’ll let you know how it all went – oh in about 15-20 years.

“ The feeling of entitlement simply doesn’t work in this world. —MARK BOTROS

I  have a confession to make…I need this post more than you do. My life has been full of hard lessons, many of which were of my own doing – my casual attitude toward risk, poor choices, unforeseen outcomes of decisions, as well as your garden variety mistakes and setbacks.

I have experienced some crushing and even devastating defeats in my life including failing out of school, starting businesses that failed, and losing thousands on investments that “went south”. In each of these moments I had a decision to make – whether I would allow defeat to permanently drive me to bitterness, or make a comeback.  In the midst of these painful moments, I had to dig deep inside myself to find a particle of faith that things could be different. As I have examined my lowest moments, I found a fairly consistent pattern of behavior that has enabled me to come back, overcome those defeats, and perform at even greater levels than before. In our worst moments are the seeds of incredible breakthroughs. What follows is the approach I generally took to come back from failure. I:

Got sick and tired of feeling bad – There comes a point when you simply have to stop the pity party, and make a decision to move on.

“ Self-pity is a penance with no pay off —MARK BOTROS

Got desperate to make a change – We often won’t make decisions to change until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of changing. Sometimes, we have to push ourselves to get desperate to change. I would do this by making a list of all the good things I am missing out on by staying the same.

“ We will never change until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of changing. —WALTER EVANS (EVANGELIST AND ELDER, GREATER PHILADELPHIA CHURCH OF CHRIST)

Found a particle of faith – It’s hokey, but I would remind myself that “It’s always darkest just before the dawn.” We need to find just a “mustard seed of faith” that things can be different. My friend, Roger Stear brilliantly described the size of a mustard seed like this: “put your two thumbs and two forefingers. That tiny little hole in the middle is the size of a mustard seed. It doesn’t take a lot of faith, just a hint of belief makes all the difference.

Took responsibility for myself and my actions – I’ve come to realize that self-blame is not necessarily bad, because it’s one of the initial steps to taking personal responsibility. I can tend to stay in sel-blame, but I’ve come to realize to that the key is not to blame yourself unnecessarily or to stay in self-blame, but rather to own up to our part of defeat, and forgive ourselves for it, which is easier said than done. Taking responsibility is hard because it’s an acknowledgment of our imperfection, and that we still have so much to learn – a key lesson to figure out as soon as possible, because Life has a way of bringing around the same problems and lessons until we “get it.”

Let go of what I couldn’t control – This a key step in forgiving ourselves, and I often have trouble with this one. I have to remind myself that there are numerous things outside of my control – other people, traffic, financial markets, and government policy just to name a few. The key is not to use these as scapegoats, but rather to acknowledge their presence and impact, and let them go.

Learned the lessons I needed to learn – There are lessons all around us, if you pay attention – a lost sale, a setback in our business, an argument with our spouse, a moment of harshness with our children, a bad round of golf – all of these serve to reveal who we truly are and teach us something in the process, the key is to pay attention to those lessons when they appear. We do this by asking, “what am I supposed to learn in this situation?” Life Lessons won’t always come neatly packaged, instead they come disguised as moments of weakness, defeat, and failure.

Looked for past performance – you and I have seen defeat and have overcome before. It’s part of growing as a human being. We didn’t give up on learning to walk when we fell down. We didn’t give up on eating when more food ended up on the floor than in our mouths. As we grow, defeats come from more complex or sophisticated sources, but all of us have past performance to draw upon to get over our present defeats today.

Defined my vision and breakthrough – For me, the turning point comes when (often after beating myself up a whole lot) I have a moment of clarity, and declare that enough is enough. I decide to stop beating myself up, and put forward a new vision of the future I want. I have found that defining the future starts with acknowledging the current state of things, having a vision of the ideal future state, and then laying out the intervening steps to “bridge the gap” to what we want to see for ourselves.

Mobilized all energy, force, and action toward that new vision – There comes a point where the vision has to go beyond planning to real committed action. The rubber has to meet the road sometime. You need to make that call, set up that appointment, take that class, write chapter 1, or put up that website. Taking action (and lots of it) is where you bring your vision into reality.

Was patient with myself – Some comebacks take time. Some of my own personal comebacks have taken a decade or more. In 2002, I went from being poor, in-debt, and uneducated to becoming a high-earner, on my way to paying off all my debt decades early, and having enough education, knowledge, skills, experience, abilities, credentials, and reputation to provide insight, value, and solutions to virtually any situation, environment, or circumstance.

Stayed on course – I have observed that persistence wins every time. It beats intellect, ideas, ingenuity, and skill, A salesperson gets rejected an average of 7 times before they make the sale. Admittedly,  I’m guilty of often starting with great energy, but not keeping it up. I can keep up that energy for a customer solution, but not always for my own goals. I have had to develop a system of intentional planning, reminders, and motivators to keep me pressing forward in a routine of successful habits. But the payoff of persistence has been huge.

As I talked through this post with my wife she made an incredible statement and asked an even better question. She said,

“Mark, it sounds like overcoming defeat requires tremendous will power. Where did that source of inner strength come from?”

I puzzled and struggled over this question, because I realized that this process was something I did unconsciously. My initial reaction was, “the strength was just there.” But that didn’t sound convincing or satisfying even to me. So as I explored the question more, I realized the strength came from some core beliefs that I held very deeply. The first was a belief anchored in faith that ‘God wants me to have life to the fullest, that He will always be there for me, and He will never let me fall or suffer beyond what I can possibly handle’. The second core belief was something that my father taught me in childhood. Anytime I was tempted to think negatively, he would correct me as if I misbehaved. He would tell me sternly, “Nothing is impossible. You can accomplish anything.” He would rather see me fail and suffer, than to allow me to believe that something was impossible. It was one of the cornerstone lessons that he handed down to me. Over time, trial, and error I also developed a stronger sense of myself, and developed my own beliefs, including “I create my own happiness” and “God is eager to give me all that I want, the question is whether I am ready to receive it.”

I haven’t outgrown defeat in my life, because I still experience it, and the impact of past defeats as well. I believe we carry our defeats with us through the lessons we learn. I also believe if you try to live life with any sense of fullness, that you will experience some level of defeat. The difference now is that (as I get older) I can handle it with a little more maturity – knowing that I’ve overcome defeat before – and will again.

“ In our worst moments are the seeds of incredible breakthroughs. —MARK BOTROS

If you were to look up parenting books on Amazon you would find over 229,000 results (as of the writing of this blog post), and I guarantee you that number will grow.

In times past, people lived in communities and villages that included local family, friends, and neighbors. These villages contained within them the wisdom of ages past that were passed from generation to generation. You weren’t alone in raising your family, in fact, everyone in the village was your family. The children belonged to everyone, the parents were all partnered in raising the children together, and the elders were revered and respected. You didn’t need to leave the boundaries of your village to have everything you needed to ensure your children were raised properly. There was enough wisdom right there in the village.

But now we live in an age of greater and greater isolation. Families are separated from each other and their core elders, living in transient neighborhoods of people they hardly know. Children are the sole responsibility of their parents, and parents are going it alone in raising their children apart from the close-knit communities and villages, and the parents are expected to have all the right answers to address the most complex world ever we’ve ever lived in, at the most complex time to be a parent. And if the child should ever act out badly, whose fault is it? Our society today puts the blame squarely on the parents – not fully accounting for the socio-political-economic-medical-educational-technological environment, genetics, peer groups, and the variable of the child themselves. No wonder parents feel such immense pressure and have created a market for nearly 230,000 books on the subject.

With all this in mind, I have sought to develop a simplified parenting philosophy to help us parents increase our chances of raising our children successfully. Notice that I said, “increase our chances” because with parenting nothing is guaranteed. All we can do is our level best, to hope, and pray for our kids every day that they will internalize our best moments and let go of those where we fell short.

I think the first question we need to ask ourselves is what is the goal of my parenting? If your parenting goal is to get your kid on a varsity team or into an Ivy League school, I would say that we need to open the aperture a little bit.

What is the overall goal for our children? Happiness? I wouldn’t say happiness is the goal because happiness is a fleeting emotion that can be temporarily manufactured with a pony ride or an Xbox. If we make happiness a goal, then we run the risk of spoiling our children in the process.

What would have been the goal for children in the village? The goal would have been to create children who are loved, healthy, educated for their trade or craft, independent, socially well adjusted, capable, productive, resilient, self-assured (not conceited, vain, aloof, or entitled), but have a deep sense of their self-worth and how they fit into their local society. Their goal would also have been to help the child enjoy learning and growing, to make good choices on their own, to be self-aware, to be able to connect with others and to have the humility to take ownership of themselves, their actions, their emotions, and their mistakes. In other words, the goal of the village would have been to create a productive next generation that was good enough to be reproductive in every way. I would say that if we are achieving all this, our children will be truly happy.

So, how do we get there? What follows is a simple philosophy, based on a survey of parents who raised their children to become independent, self-sustaining, and successful adults.

I think this philosophy covers most of the big things. Feel free to chime in on the comments below, if you feel I missed something key:

1. Love – This is showing our children that we love them unconditionally, and are committed to them in every way imaginable. This includes meeting their needs (notice I didn’t say wants), showing them unbelievable amounts of affection (including actual hugs and kisses), and consistently providing words that build-up, show love, and give encouragement and reassurance.
2. Time – one of the ways we show love is by spending time with our children. This not only means showing up to the recital but being present to listen to them practice for the months leading up to it. Our children won’t pick up our best moments if our best moments are spent elsewhere and if we don’t give them plenty of opportunities for observing us.
3. Attention – Beyond time, we need to connect and talk with our children consistently. This includes having real conversations with our children, asking them about the favorite part of their day, or what they are learning in school, troubleshooting problems with their friends, and even how they think we are doing as parents. My kids love to chatter endlessly at bedtime, and while I really want them in bed, because I’m tired myself, I have to make a reasonable allowance for it because it allows me the opportunity to give them focused attention at one of the most tender times of their day, and in the future will be great memories for them.
4. Example – great parenting includes modeling, which means not just showing, but actually being the person you want your kids to become. More is caught than taught. For some reason, “do as I say not as I do” just doesn’t work with kids. What tends to work more (or at least gives you credibility when you do speak) “do as I do”. This is easier said than done, because we are growing ourselves, but what our children will see is us striving to be better, and if we couple that with good intentional teaching and an open dialogue of how we are working on things ourselves, it will make their adjustments more palatable since personal development and growth is (hopefully) just part of the culture in the home. Foundation – in the same
5. Foundation – in the same way that a house needs to be built on a foundation of concrete or stone, our parenting needs to have a core set of principles through which we filter all parenting decisions. What is it for you? Is it a set of religious beliefs and traditions? Is it a holy book? Is it a set of values or a philosophy that you hold as a family? Or perhaps a family purpose or mission statement? If we don’t have some kind of intentional philosophy or values that we are passing on to our own children, then they will get their values from somewhere else – their friends, their school, social media, television, and movies – something will fill that gap by default. So would you rather take the chance of allowing this world to influence your child, or would you rather do so intentionally through your beliefs, values, and worldview?

A good friend of mine, who is a successful executive with an IT Services company, has an interesting parenting philosophy. He said to me “my wife and I have a philosophy that we call “keep the order”. What “keep the order” means is that we teach our children that a successful life tends to follow a certain order. You graduate high school, go to college, get a job, get married, then have children.” My friend tells his children, “live life in that order, or else your life may become more complicated, challenging, and difficult.” Whether you agree with my friend or not, you’ve got to admit the philosophy is simple and profound.

“ Basically all parenting comes down to love, time, attention, and being a good human yourself. —MARK BOTROS

I recently had an epiphany that fundamentally changed the way I see the concept of Time forever. What I came to discover is that Time is an experience that we are unable to control or manage. Time unforgivably passes regardless of our perceived ability (or more accurately, our inability) to manage it. The myth (propagated by an outdated industrial-age notion) is that we have any control or power to manage Time whatsoever. To say we “manage Time” is actually a statement of illusion. What we manage (or don’t manage) is ourselves.

Time simply is, and Time simply passes. It is not ours to control or manage. We simply exist within it. We cannot add to Time, nor can we take away from Time. We can certainly make the experience of Time go faster or slower by either our enjoyment or lack thereof in the present moment, but we have no control or influence over Time. We simply decide how we are going to spend the time we are allocated every day. That said, I do think it’s acceptable to label our passage of time as “my time”, “your time” or “our time” because these possessive pronouns allow us to take ownership of the time we have and our experience within it.

So how do we do ensure that we are making the most of our time? By asking one simple question:

“What is the greatest and highest use of my time in this moment?”

This is the key question that we need to ask constantly as it relates to Time. This question is an amazing filter for those low-value or no-value activities, as well as a motivation to put more high-value activities on our calendars and at the forefront of our mind. Living in an age of endless notifications it’s all too easy to get swept up in low-value activities (activities that do not bring us closer to our goals, our dreams, our optimal life, or our optimal selves), and what ends up happening is that we think, “I don’t have enough time.” If I am asking this question, then I can’t be trusted with additional time, because even if I get the time, I will always want or need more. The people we admire most all have the same amount of time as we do, they just make different and better use of it. They do the things that matter most and add to their life.

For me in this moment, the highest and greatest use of my time is writing and sharing this insight with you, because in so doing, I’m processing it myself, and in sharing it with you, it reinforces the concept in my mind.

So back to the question above, if we apply this question properly, consistently, and with some level of discipline, it clears the path for us (and gives us emotional permission) to engage in those things that matter most to us like:

• Being present for our significant other
• Being present for our family
• Engaging with a customer
• Engaging with a team member
• Connecting with a business partner
• Personal reflection, thinking, and strategy
• Quiet time and meditation
• Journaling
• Actions that directly produce income
• Actions that save us time down the road (eliminating, automating, or delegating actions)
• Product development
• Improving, developing, or expanding your business
• Improving your living space to create an environment of greater peace, beauty, and sanctuary
• Developing a healthy lifestyle with exercise and good food
• Going outdoors
• Travel and adventure
• Social or political engagement to make our part of the world better
• Helping others
• Listening to someone
• Catching up with a family member or friend

What about low-value items? I believe if you are reading this, you are intelligent enough to know what those are. I think we all intuitively know what they are. That said, in my humble opinion, the way I would personally determine low-value activities is by asking the same question above, and determining if the action ADDS TO or TAKES AWAY from my life. Does {fill in the blank} get me closer to what I want (for myself, my life, my family, my career, my business, my community, and my world?” If it doesn’t, then it’s a low-value activity.

What about urgent items? Go back to the question, “What is the greatest and highest use of my time in this moment?” if you have an urgent deadline or screaming child, or a kitchen fire, addressing those are the greatest and highest use of your time in that moment.  If you don’t meet your urgent deadline, then that could impact your livelihood and income; if you don’t meet the needs of the screaming child, it could damage the child, and will certainly fry your nerves; if you don’t take care of the kitchen fire, your house could burn down. If an item is urgent and important to you, then it is the greatest and highest use of your time in that moment.  The key is to proactively manage the urgent so that you’re not constantly living in that mode.

I should caveat by saying that there are low-value activities that are necessary, like paying bills, running to the post office, having your car serviced (which is what I’m doing right at this moment), food shopping, etc. There are low-value activities that are critical to living the kind of life we want to live, and we simply need to do them, but they should be automated (in the case of paying bills), delegated (to someone else or to a time of your choosing), or eliminated (instead of going to the post office yourself, arrange for a pick up instead). There are innumerable technology and services available, that if you look, you will find smarter systems to handle virtually anything in life.

“ To make the most of your time, ask yourself, “What is the greatest and highest use of my time in this moment?” —MARK BOTROS

Although it’s rare, when I get sick, boy does it knock me flat on my back.

Recently, I was graced with one of the “kid bugs” (kid bugs is a vernacular term used by parents of small children to describe mutant strains of viruses that start, grow, develop, and become infinitely reinforced among the human petri dish of kid populations in schools and other kid activities, and they are typically stronger, more penetrating, and more sinister than your average illness-causing agent). No matter who you are, or how healthy you are – kid bugs find you.

A funny thing happened when I recently got sick – I mean really sick, not just a sniffle or a little cough, I’m talking high-fever, dizziness, body-aches, flat-on-my-back, puking-my-guts-out, glued-to-the-toilet kind of sick. I had an interesting and seemingly obvious insight:

When I’m sick, anything I think, say, or do is not reflective of my true and normal self.

“ When you’re sick, you’re not in your right mind. —MARK BOTROS

In a recent bout of illness, I was having some pretty crazy thoughts. If you know me well, you know that I live on the positive side of things. When I was sick though, I was having completely opposite thoughts – thoughts of failure, despair, and negativity. I was saying to myself things like “I will never accomplish my goals.” Or “I’m not good enough or smart enough to accomplish my biggest dreams.” Or “my biggest dreams will never happen for me.” These thoughts were highly uncharacteristic of me, and I had to remind myself that when we get this sick we should avoid doing the following:

1. Self-Evaluation – Times of illness are not times to be doing any kind of introspective thinking or self-evaluation. First, your body has dedicating its full resources to fighting the foreign agents in your body. You already feel bad physically, trying to do any kind of self-reflection in this state only adds emotional gasoline to the fire.

If you do think negative thoughts about yourself in times when you are sick, you need to just let those thoughts pass and consciously counteract those thoughts, by telling yourself out loud, “These thoughts are not real”, “These thoughts are not me”, “These thoughts are not normal”. Do not let negative thoughts sink in, don’t even speak them aloud, because, once again, when you’re sick, you are not in your right mind. Your body’s chemistry is configured for fighting the bacteria or virus in your system – not mental, emotional, or spiritual self-evaluation. In those times, you don’t have the resources mentally, emotionally, or spiritually to look at yourself in the purest or best light as if you were in normal health. Under those circumstances, self-evaluation is counterproductive to your healing process.

2. Evaluate others – In the same way that you are not in your right mind when you are evaluating yourself, you should not evaluate others for the same reasons. You are not clear to evaluate others fairly, objectively, and in a way that they might appreciate. So that is not the time to evaluate and place judgment on those closest to us. When we are sick we may be tempted to be more critical of those around us. Once again, do not speak those thoughts aloud, and especially not to those we love. It’s not the time to bring up all those times when you’re spouse squeezed the wrong end of the toothpaste, or wasn’t good at listening or anticipating your every need and want. It’s not fair to them, and you wouldn’t appreciate it if you were on the receiving end of that judgment. So once again, just let those thoughts pass and don’t dwell on them.

3. Make Major Decisions or Strategic Plans – When you’re sick you need to focus on one thing and one thing only – getting better. When you’re sick it is your body’s way of saying, “Alright, we’ve done enough. Time for a break now.” The only major decisions you need to be making are:

• Bed or couch?
• Tea or NyQuil?
• Sleep or a movie?
• Drinking fluids or going to bathroom?
• Cough drops or cough syrup?
• Vitamin C or Echinachea?
• Staying in pajamas or taking a shower?

If you’re focused on anything else, then you’re focused on the wrong thing. It is not the time to be planning your year, or strategizing how to unseat your competition. Because you’re mind is foggy at best, you will make mistakes, miss key items, and there is a law of diminishing returns, and when you are sick, you reach that point of diminishing returns pretty quickly. So, no major decisions or planning when you’re sick. Resume those important activities when you’re in better health, and when you’re fresh and clear minded. Otherwise it’s counterproductive and a waste of time and energy that you should spend getting better.

4. Work or Overwork – One time I was sick, and I was physically achy and felt terrible. But, I decided that I was going to push through work anyway. I was under deadline and didn’t feel I could afford the time off. If you’re a high-performer you understand this temptation, and have had similar thoughts before. I pushed through and paid a very high price for it. Because I did not rest, one night I ended up in an ambulance on the way to the hospital, diagnosed with full-blown pneumonia. Why? Because I didn’t rest when I was supposed to. Trying to work over work when you’re sick, only prolongs the illness and you run a great risk of getting worse. It took me about a month to fully recover.

Evaluative thinking, strategic planning, or work of any kind requires our best. These require clarity, objectivity, and our whole, healthy self including our best mental resources. When you are sick, you are not in your right mind. Even if you think you are, you are not. You’re cloudy at best. Call the office, and let them know you won’t be in. Besides, wouldn’t you appreciate it if someone else got sick, that they stayed home and didn’t breathe their germs on you? Go and do likewise.

What follows is my personal formula for getting better when I do get sick. What I have found is that the following significantly reduces my sick time:

• If it’s early enough in the sickness (day 1 or 2) I might actually try working out to see if I can sweat out The foreign agents (this has worked for me many times in the past)
• Intentional rest and sleep
• Plenty of sleep
• Literal gallons of fluids (tea and water mostly)
• Just enough food to get by (with the exception of a good chicken noodle soup – in my humble view, eating too much takes away your body’s ability to fight infection)
• A healthy diet of good movies and binge-able shows
• NyQuil at night (but only if I really need it)

This all sounds great, but what if you’re in a care-taking role – like being a mommy (at any stage), a stay-at-home dad, a single parent, or a caretaker of an elderly parent? All of these folks have it tough, because they often can’t afford to take a sick day. So for those in these types of roles, I would recommend trying to get some help from a spouse, a sibling, a parent, a friend, or some other person you trust. People want to help you, they really do, especially in times that you are vulnerable. You just need to ask. There may a be a quid pro quo for this, that is – you may need to help someone similarly when it happens to them, but at least you can get some help when you need it most.

I also suggest doing some advance planning like picking up some ready meals from the store (quick prepackaged dinners or pizzas) to feed your family or loved ones – something easy that someone can prepare with no thought and little time. It might take a little advance planning, but you’ll thank yourself for it when those times do come.

“ When you’re sick, you’re number one job is to get better. —MARK BOTROS

My wife has a mantra that she has instituted in our home, “the people we love the most are the people we are the kindest to.” I love this statement because it always reminds me where I need to prioritize my time, and even more importantly, my energy.

The Problem

We typically give the best of our time, our energy, and our talent to our customers, partners, friends, colleagues, and just about anyone who isn’t our family. Yet, when we get home after 9 or 10 hours leaving it all on the field, or rather at the office, what do we give to our loved ones and those closest to us? We give them our “leftovers”, our realness, our annoyance, our exhaustion, and our anger – certainly not our best – or at minimum, we are tempted to treat them this way. And believe you me, I GET IT, after 9 or 10 hours going “all ahead full” at work or in the business, sometimes you’re just done. However, this brings up a couple of honest questions:

1. What message are we really sending to our loved ones?

If you work outside (or even inside) the home, there is already a tension between business and personal life. Your family doesn’t see you enough, and they feel it. The problem is worsened when our attitude coming through the door, (walking out of our home office), is one of tiredness, emotional and physical sensitivity,  and annoyance. Your family wants and needs the best of our time and energy, but we just spent 9 or 10 hours giving all of that to someone else in the pursuit of what? Making money?! When we are not able to switch on in a positive way for the sake of our loved ones when we come home from work, what it communicates to them is that they matter less than someone else – someone else who is not their family; Someone else who is not their husband or wife or their father or their mother. The message that is is that they (the very family you helped build) are secondary to you.

2. What example are we setting for them?

The example and tone that we set, sets it for the rest of our family. The model we are giving them is that we give our best to our jobs, businesses, colleagues, customers, partners, managers, and our employees; and we give everyone at home the “leftovers” – what’s left of our time and energy.

That’s exactly what we do when at the end of the day we’ve treated everyone else better than our family. None of us ever intends to treat those closest to us like second-class citizens, but it’s very easy for our family to see where our priorities are by the way we treat other people relative to them. If we treat everyone else with a smile, politeness, and human dignity, shouldn’t we do at least the same for those we helped give birth to? And those we share a bed with?

When we are at home, we need to be consciously aware that we don’t treat our loved ones with anger, annoyance, and frustration. When we do that it sends a clear message and a clearer example that that is the way we treat family. Guess how our children will treat their spouses and their children when they get home from work? Exactly the way we treat them. We are their model. After all who else do they have to look to but us?

The truth is we need to treat everyone well – the way we want to be treated. And that applies especially to our family and loved ones. At the end of the day, our jobs and businesses will change and evolve, our income will come from different sources as we progress in life, but we only get one family and we need to ‘treat them like our number one customer’.

“ We need to treat our families like our number one customer. —JEFFREY FOX, 'HOW TO BECOME CEO'

A Solution

Oftentimes, all we need to help us is a transition period between work and home. Personally, I often work at such an intense level, that I know I need it. So, I do some of the following to help in that transition, and I offer it to you as a solution to consider as well:

• Reflect on the things I am grateful for from the day
• Listen to an audiobook
• Let my mind wander
• Sing a little to myself
• Say some simple prayers
• Close my eyes and meditate for a few minutes

That said, before I’m ready to engage my family, the final thing I do is I have my own little mantra that I usually say to myself (you can modify this to suit your own needs if you choose to use it):

“I am about to walk through this door. This is the best part of my day. I don’t know what I may be walking into, the house might be a disaster and everyone may be in a terrible mood, but I am here now, and despite all of that, I’m going to bless my family with my time, love and attention. I may not do this perfectly, but I’m going to do my best. If nothing else, my family will know that I am glad to see them. Here we go…”

“ The people we love the most are the people we are the kindest to. —MARK'S WIFE

One of my daughters is a competitive swimmer, and I was volunteering as a timer at one of her divisional swim meets. While standing in the lane getting more and more wet with every passing heat (i.e. a group of swimmers who are lining to compete for their race), I saw hundreds of kids line up to swim that day. There were two children in particular, both about the same age, both came from the same socio-economic strata, both had about the same athletic level, and even had the same color hair. But there was a key difference in the two children.

Child 1: As he walked up to the starting block, this child was nervous, inward, and fidgety, and actually said aloud to himself “I’m not going to do well today, I haven’t had a good week in practice, I know I’m going to come in last.”

Child 2: As he walked up to the starting block, his body language was a lot different. He physically prepared himself, stretched out his arms and legs, bounced around a little bit as he was warming up, and he actually said aloud “I’m going to kill it today. I’m going to crush my time.”

You already know what happened. The first child came in second-to-last in his heat. The second child beat his previous time by over 16 seconds! In swimming, that kind of time reduction is huge and worth celebrating. The difference between these two children of the same age, the same athletic level, from the same socio-economic status, from the same team, was the story they told themselves. The one with the negative story manifested a negative outcome that he predicted for himself. The one with the positive story manifested an extremely positive outcome that he predicted for himself.

The neighborhood of our mind is actually a very dangerous place to be. If we are not careful, we can allow negative thoughts to manifest negative outcomes in our life. The majority of people have a negative bias. That is why it is so critical that we take an active and conscious role in cleaning up the neighborhood of our mind.

“ The neighborhood of our mind is actually a very dangerous place to be. If we are not careful, we can allow negative thoughts to manifest negative outcomes in our life. —MARK BOTROS

We need to change the stories we tell ourselves. When we are tempted to say, “I’m not sure today’s going to be a good day.”, We need to actively capture that statement, forgive ourselves for having it, turn it around immediately, and say “I know I have a lot going on, but I’m going to kill it today. I’m going to crush this project. Today is going to be an awesome day.” This is not about creating phony, unsustained hype, but rather actively and intentionally setting the tone, and creating a habit for how you will behave and how the circumstances around you will unfold – to the best of your ability to influence them. You see, we are the creators of our world, and the creators of our experience within it. We get what we expect. And what we expect to get, is a product of our own persistent thoughts, words, and actions.

So tell yourself a different story, and act in line with that story. Go “crush your time” today.

“ We create our world, and our experience in it with our own persistent thoughts, words, and actions. —MARK BOTROS

Leadership literature tends to focus on the leader themselves, the qualities that they need to have, as well the tips, tricks, tactics, and techniques they need to be successful. However, one of the most critical and underrepresented leadership skills is that of building community and how to do it effectively.

Over the years, I have observed (and personally implemented) many of the following to bond and build unity, community, and camaraderie within groups or organizations:

1. Physical or Virtual Proximity – This is accomplished by physical placement of people in close proximity to one another (like in a “war room” or a row of dedicated cubicles just for your team), or creating an online community through social media or even an email distribution list. You can also bond people together through virtual meetings, conference calls, or video conferences where they can see each other or interact virtually on a regular basis.
2. Food / Shared Meals – There is an inexplicable magic that happens when people gather around food. Whenever food is present it naturally brings people together, it breaks the ice, it’s a conversation topic itself, and provides a shared experience.
3. Lots of time spent together – The more time we spend around a group of people the more they grow on us and vice versa. We get to know them, we get to understand them, and we may grow to like them.  While it’s not universally true, there is a proportional relationship to the time we spend with people and our ability to bond with them.
4. Give them a problem to solve – There is nothing more bonding than a group of people gathered around a difficult problem. The brainstorming, interaction, the active engagement, involvement, and the eventual solving of that problem is a shared experience that people remember and that bonds them together.
5. Don’t Waste a Good Crisis – Crises pull people together in a very powerful and profound way. September 11th, 2001 brought the people of the United States together in a way that we had never experienced in recent history. It also showed us that, as a people, we are resilient, patriotic, and community minded when it truly counts. It was a moment of tragedy and one of great pride. Rahm Emanuel (Former Chief of Staff to President Obama and Mayor of Chicago) once said, “You never let a serious crisis go to waste. And what I mean by that it’s an opportunity to do things you think you could not do before.” He is often negatively misquoted, but what he’s saying is that a crisis reveals who we really are and what we are capable of in the toughest moments. But more than that, crisis has the potential to not only creates the opportunity to do things that you couldn’t do under normal circumstances, but it also can bond people together.
6. Give them a common cause or purpose – This is very common among professional or college sports fans. The fans have a common cause and that is to see their favorite team win. You also see this among those who engage in societal causes like “Occupy” or “Black Lives Matter”. However, this can be emulated on a smaller scale, such as serving the homeless, volunteering together, going on a mission trip, or putting on a fundraiser to benefit an overlooked segment of society.
7. Create a common enemy – I share this not because, I’m an advocate of creating enemies, but because I’ve observed that it is a method of creating a bond among people. Getting back to our sports team analogy. Most sports teams, and their fans especially have a rivalry of some kind. Click here for ESPN’s view on some of the most famous rivalries. However, political parties and governments also do this to suit their own purposes. They create and build-up rivalries or enemies and gather their people against those enemies. For example, The Republicans and Democrats, Middle Eastern countries and Israel, the United States and Terrorists, the North Koreans and the United States. Remember people want to feel included. Creating an “us” and “them” is a powerful method of inclusion that unites people. I’m not saying it’s right, I’m just saying it works.
8. Give them a shared experience – Every year our family gets involved in an International Festival that features incredible food and music from all around the world. It’s a pretty amazing event that has grown to be the largest single event in our city. But aside from the fundraising aspect of it, one of its purposes is to create a shared experience for those who are serving. The event serves the community, but it also includes the homeless, first responders, and the military. The bonding that happens from that shared experience among all of us who put it on can be felt for the rest of the year.
9. Have fun or celebrate together – When an individual or a team accomplishes a milestone, it’s critical to reward that accomplishment with some kind of celebration. Psychologically, it’s satisfying, because the mere act of celebrating acknowledges and recognizes the work behind that accomplishment, and it not only honors the individual or team but also motivates others to do the same. Another bi-product of celebrating is that it sends a positive message to the individual or team that “your accomplishments matter to us, and we recognize them here”. This sort of loyalty to the individual creates reciprocal loyalty for the organization.
10. Have them in your home – If you want instant connection and bonding, inviting someone into your home will accomplish just that. “Visiting” and hospitality is a bit of a lost art form in American culture. Unless it’s associated with a special occasion like a kid’s birthday party or holiday event, people typically don’t just “visit” in their homes. When we open our home to someone, they see us where we live, they see our private sanctuary, and where we go to escape the world. When people see this in us, they feel bonded to us.

“ Remember, people want to feel included and accepted. —MARK BOTROS

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Have you ever thought about how powerful the words we use are? Our words have great power. They are like “spells” we cast on our world. They shape how we see ourselves, our relationships, how high and how far we go in our career, they determine our success or failure.

How do you feel when you say the following strings of words out loud? Let’s try a few “spells” together:

“I hate you”

How do these words make you feel? Irritated, angry, gut-level disgust, bile in your stomach, can you feel your face getting scrunched up? When we say words like this we are condemning and even placing a “curse” on the other person.

“I like you”

How do these words make you feel? It is a good feeling, light, airy, easy, nice, non-committal, no strings. It is a complete statement with nothing more to be said.

“I love you”

Wow. There is a profoundness in those three words. Say it again, You feel a certain level of power and connection, oneness, wholeness, commitment, deep affection, attachment, sense of permanency, even a sense of the eternal. it is union and unity, it is life itself, it sums up and encapsulates the very purpose and meaning of life (at least in my own humble view).

How did you feel as you said those statements? Do you see the power in the words we use on how we feel? I’m convinced, that the words we use have a direct impact on us, our mood, our feelings, our interactions, and our character. Our life day-to-day, and in the long term, is shaped by our words.

Let’s Change Our Mood

Let’s try another exercise. let’s use some uplifting words, and think about how you feel as you say them aloud:

1. Yes
2. Spectacular
3. Phenomenal
4. Stupendous
5. Super
6. Love
7. Fulfilled
8. Connection
9. United
10. Bravo
11. Worthy
12. Intelligent
13. Beautiful
14. Wise
15. Happy
16. Peace
17. Blessed
18. Heal
19. Strong
20. Vibrant
21. Healthy
22. Energy
23. Grateful
24. Abundant
25. Free

Let’s end on a good spell.

“Thank you. I appreciate you.”

“ Our words shape our life. —MARK BOTROS

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Hard talks are an inevitable part of the human experience. All of us encounter difficult and awkward situations at work and in our personal lives, and at the heart of those situations are (you guessed it) difficult and awkward people that are usually the source of the problem.

No one (except psycho- and socio- paths) wakes up in the morning intent on doing harm to other people. Most people do not think they are the bad guy, they genuinely act out of their own sense of good will. They genuinely think they are doing the right thing. So how do you address them in a clear, elegant and respectful way?

1. Understand all sides of the situation – The side that you saw or that was presented to you (by your informer) is just one side, there is always more to the story. When the police take statements from witnesses they gather as many statements as possible to triangulate what actually happened. Before having your hard talk you want to be sure you have a complete picture, so as you ask for “statements” do so in a “seeking to understand” way, not in a “witch hunt” way.

2. Have all your facts straight – the worst thing is going into a hard talk misinformed with incorrect, little, or no information. The person you are talking to will immediately get defensive because they will jump to correct your facts and fill in what you don’t know. They will become more entrenched in their position, and won’t be able to hear the genuine message that you have for them. You will also have lost any credibility you had with them. Hard talks are sensitive moments, and you want to go in overly informed.

3. Figure out what the real truth is – Once you have all of the perspectives, all of the context, and all of the facts, you then have to determine, in your mind, the real truth of things. Because we live in a world where truth is relative, and people are quicker to believe their version of the truth than what is actual and real, you may need to provide some much-needed perspective and insight that only your fact-finding could bring to light. Too often once a person is convinced of their truth, they stop looking for the truth, and you may need to correct some people’s perceptions about a situation or a person.

4. Have the talk in private – the only time you correct or challenge someone in public is if they are being openly and blatantly obnoxious, disrespectful, and belligerent, and even then you need to be cool about it. Don’t take the bait, just politely ask them to be quiet, sit down, or leave the room. Take the high road and you will always have a better view. Otherwise always have hard talks in private away from prying ears. The best hard talks are done in private over a meal and beverage. I’ve also had many hard talks while going on walks outside. The fresh air is often disarming.

“ Take the high road and you will always have a better view. —ADMIRAL SINCLAIR HARRIS, US NAVY (RETIRED)

“ You can say anything to anyone, it’s all in how you say it. —MARK'S WIFE

“ Most people do not think they are the bad guy, they genuinely think they are doing the right thing. —MARK BOTROS

There is a saying in business, “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know”. I don’t agree with this statement. It almost implies that connections are more important than the content of your character or your knowledge or expertise. However, while there may some truth in it, I would modify the statement to say “it’s all about (1) what you know, (2) who you know, and (3) the trust they have in you.”

You have probably seen a host of articles, blog posts, books, and other business literature that extol the virtues and importance of developing your professional network. In fact, there are entire social networks (e.g. LinkedIn) that exist for you to develop and expand your network. There are innumerable professional organizations that allow you to get involved and provide networking opportunities so you can grow your network in that way. And when in doubt, you can expand your network right in your place of business, your place of worship, or even in your own neighborhood. In short, there are neither the excuses nor a shortage of ways to make new connections.

Almost every major opportunity and success I’ve had over the last 25 years came about because of the first two ingredients – “what I know” and “who I know”. However, the third ingredient – trust- was always the unspoken key. It’s that feeling of trust that motivated someone to think of me, reach out to me, and include me in their opportunity. To develop that trust, a person has to see you in action within some kind of professional, business, or volunteering context. They need to see what you are capable of, what value you bring, and if they would trust you enough to vouch for you.

A one-time “meet and greet” is no better than an interview, because in order for someone to truly think of you first when it comes to a job, a sale, or a business opportunity, they need to see you in action. They need to see how you think, what you know, how you work, the quality of your products/services, how easy you are to work with, and what kind of value you can bring to them or someone else.

It takes time to build trusted relationships, so be patient. A person in a high power position worked hard to get there, and they will not simply put themselves out there for you unless they are certain that you will provide value and make them look spectacular in the process.

You should take full advantage of every opportunity to expand your network. However, you can go to networking events and exchange business cards all day long, but that connection will be meaningless in terms of future opportunity for you unless three things become present in that relationship:

1. Realness – The relationship needs to be built on a foundation of genuine friendship, not an agenda. Smart people can sniff out ulterior motives very quickly. Ultimately, if this is a business relationship they will know that there may be some underlying motive, but genuine friendship needs to be what you build the relationship upon otherwise it will not last.
2. Value – There must be a sense of mutual value exchanged in the relationship, whether it’s an ongoing exchange of information, an exchange of money for products/ services, or even an advice-seeking mentor-mentee relationship. It cannot be one-sided where one person is offering all the value and the other person is not. It must be equitable in the exchange of friendship and value.
3. Trust – Where there is no trust, there is no successful relationship. Every relationship that works is built on a foundation of trust. What is trust? Simply put, it’s the implicit feeling that the other person will not let you down.

Ultimately, it comes down to trust. This is the unspoken and missing ingredient that people don’t talk about in the context of networking. Do they trust you enough to give you the sale, to give you their business, to refer you to a colleague, or to think of you for the position they need to fill? Building trust is the key to any relationship. But it takes time, integrity, deliberate action, follow up, contact, and a whole lot of promise-keeping.

“ Building trust takes time, integrity, and a whole lot of promise-keeping. —MARK BOTROS

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In my post, Email Common Sense 101 I talk about what good email etiquette looks like. Since texting is the other major form of non-in-person communication, I would feel remiss if I didn’t provide some equivalent etiquette around texting. Texting has dominated text-based communication for many reasons:

1. Mass Adoption! Mobile devices are everywhere (there are more mobile devices than people in the world – (as of November 2019) there are more than 9.3 billion devices – according to gsmaintelligence.com; there are 7.6 billion people in the world according the US Census Bureau; and according to Pew Internet Research 81% of mobile phone owners text vs. 52% that are using their phones to email. According to USAToday, mobile phone users use the SMS (or Share by text) button 3-4x more often than they use the Twitter share button.
2. Texting can be done synchronously (in real-time) or asynchronously (with delay at your convenience)
3. Texting requires low bandwidth and can be done anywhere at anytime
4. Texting can be short form, long form and can include multimedia (like images, sound, and video clips)
5. Texting is entertaining
6. Texts get our attention
7. Texts provide immediate gratification
8. The device-to-device nature of texting makes texting highly personal
9. Texting can be very personable as you can somewhat transmit emotion through emojis
10. Texts can quickly transmit logistical info, “Let’s meet at Starbucks at 9:30.”
11. Texting can be an individual or group communication
12. People need an informal means of communication, and texting is one of the most widely used, aside from in-person, and social media
13. Texting allows for multiple conversations at once.

In terms of etiquette, texting is informal by nature, so we almost need to take our etiquette from in-person communication and tailor it to electronic media.

Texting Etiquette

1. Length doesn’t really matter, but in the case of texting – shorter is better – longer, more detailed conversations are better done as a phone call or in person
2. Texting should not be used for complex business transactions, communications, and collaborations. Use a more formal means of communication like in-person meetings, video conferencing, phone and email for business matters.
3. Special occasion responses (e.g., party invitations for graduations, engagements, weddings, baby showers, etc.) should typically be done via the requested mode for RSVP, unless you are explicitly instructed to RSVP by text in the invitation.
4. In initiating a text conversation, you must always identify yourself if you’ve never texted with them before, otherwise, they are wondering who you are, and will be resistant to anything you say.
5. In initiating a text conversation, it’s always nice to use a pleasantry when opening a text conversation like “Happy Friday” or “I hope your day is going well.”
6. For some people texting is personal space, so text with someone that you feel comfortable connecting with in such a personal way.
7. Texting should never ever ever ever be used to transmit breakups – That’s just cowardly and you are better than that, and anyone who would ever break up with you using a text is someone you do not want in your life anyway, so move on, you’re better off without them.
8. Use acronyms and shorthand that the other person knows, and define acronyms for them if you’re not sure whether they know them or not
9. In the same way that someone is speaking to you, you want to acknowledge them and what they say. The same is true for texting. Don’t leave a person hanging for days and weeks. Reply at an appropriate time. If it is an urgent question, answer right away. If it is less urgent, you can wait on it, but it would be good to at least acknowledge the text in some way, like “Thanks for letting me know.”, “Great to hear from you.”, or “Let me check on that and get back to you.”
10. If you found that you missed a text and never responded, just simply acknowledge it, apologize for it, and reply. For example, “I’m so sorry I missed your text, I just saw it…”
11. Be aware that when you are in group text situation, everything you write could be read by everyone else
12. The best forms of communication in order: In-person, Video (e.g. Skype, FaceTime, Google Duo, or Zoom), Phone (Voice-to-Voice), Texting (because it’s informal and personal), and email (which is considered a little more formal).
13. Please, do not text when you are in the middle of a conversation, work, or a social situation where you should otherwise be present and engaged. Most mature, civilized people agree that it’s rude.

All in all, what is etiquette? It’s not just a way of behavior, it is a way of behaving that is classy and doesn’t offend people. If I were to give you one etiquette takeaway it’s this, treat others better than the way you want to be treated, and you’ll never go wrong.

Common Acronyms for Text Messaging / E-Mail / Chat

The following links contain a comprehensive set of texting and other electronic communication shorthand. At minimum, the following links are informative and entertaining. That said, because texting contains the lowest common denominator for our English vernacular, some of the following links do contain shorthand for less-than-proper language. I thought you would appreciate knowing that up front. Enjoy!

Short Lists of Popular Texting / Email / Social Media Acronyms

http://www.netlingo.com/top50/popular-text-terms.php

http://www.smart-words.org/abbreviations/text.html

Comprehensive Lists of Texting / Email / Social Media Acronyms

http://www.netlingo.com/acronyms.php

http://www.webopedia.com/quick_ref/textmessageabbreviations.asp

“ Treat others better than the way you want to be treated, and you’ll never go wrong. —MARK BOTROS

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